We've Tried Nothing And We're All Out Of Ideas

It's official this time. Hollywood really is out of ideas. Will Smith's kid is starring in a remake of the Karate Kid and now Ridley Scott is directing a movie based on Monopoly. Yes, we're talking about the board game.

Ridley Scott is officially attached to direct the Hasbro-Universal collaboration, with an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic "Blade Runner." Screenwriter Pamela Pettler ("Corpse Bride," "Monster House") will shape a narrative out of the iconic real estate game.

This has to be a joke. What story could come out of this board game that would be worth watching for two hours? Now if we're talking about The Revenge of Uno: Draw Two, I would be interested. Very interested. Apparently the Wild Card scene is amazing. Joe Penny takes over that scene and makes it his. We're talking borderline NC-17 material shot Zapruder-style. The England Dan and John Ford Coley soundtrack is the shit.

If Hollywood is going to start using board games for inspiration, why not go with Hungry Hungry Hippos? One could go with CGI hippos but why not use real people? Why not use hungry hungry humans like Zack Randolph and Eddy Curry? Add former NBA legends like Charles Barkley, John "Hot Plate" Williams and Oliver Miller and boom. NBA crossover potential. Make it futuristic like Blade Runner or The Running Man. A cross between the board game and Tron. Who cares? It doesn't matter what it's about as long as they're fighting over food for our entertainment.