Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Site Redesign Coming

The Deuce will be changing soon. No more dog poo background, its time for something new. We might even have ourselves a nifty logo at the top instead of the text we have now. Things are a changin.

We are going to try to keep the color scheme the same and we're going to have 3 columns instead of the 2 we currently have in an effort to clean up the page a bit. Does anyone have any suggestions, comments, wishes, or hate they want to get off their chest before the redesign is complete? Leave a comment, let the Deuce know what's on your mind.

Road to Over 40 wins BEGINS

The over/under on total wins for the Washington Wizards is 40 games. FOURTY GAMES?? You kidding me? How is a team that finished 42-40 in the 2005-06 season and 41-41 last season (with a TON of injuries) predicted to win less than 40 games? Gilbert, Caron and Antawn must be licking their chops if they know about this...and if I had access to an online gambling site I would be too. While we're here, here is one homer's look at the Wizards roster for the year. I dont see how this team doesnt win 41 games...maybe because its all offense and no defense, i dunno.

G. Arenas - Easily one of the top 5 scorers in the league
A. Blatche - Finally figuring it all out, very talented all around player
C. Butler - Easily one of the top 40 players in the league
A. Daniels - Quality veteran bench player
B. Haywood - Needs to produce more with Etan out
A. Jamison - Getting old, but just shoots more and more from outside
R. Mason - Young bench scoring, not much else
D. McGuire - Rookie unknown, could be an great defender
O. Pecherov - Essentially a rookie, can score and rebound off bench
D.Songaila - Experienced scorer, good size and outside shot
D. Stevenson - Experienced defender, can score when he gets the chance
E.Thomas - Done for the year with bad heart
N. Young - Rookie, but can score in bunches, will be big off bench

New Way to Cheat Just Around The Corner

Scientists at SUNY Stony Brook have found that by putting mice on a platform that buzzes at a low frequency for 15 minutes a day, five days a week, for 15 weeks, they have 27 percent less fat than mice that did not stand on the platform — and correspondingly more bone.

“Bone is notorious for ‘use it or lose it,’” Dr. Rubin said. “Astronauts lose 2 percent of their bone a month. People lose 2 percent a decade after age 35. Then you look at the other side of the equation. Professional tennis players have 35 percent more bone in their playing arm. What is it about mechanical signals that makes Roger Federer’s arm so big?”
Apparently this vibration triggers those mechanical signals to grow more bone instead of storing fat in the marrow. The caution is that they don't know if it works in humans yet and maybe it will work to well and cause too much bone growth.

Some answers may come from the federal clinical trial, which will include 200 elderly people in assisted living.

...and maybe Barry Bonds.

Which NFL or MLB team will be the first to invest in this so that their players never break their bones again? Patriots with their mad genius coach, Redskins with their bottomless money pit owner? Sure, we're about 10 steps away from players becoming Wolverine with bones laced in metal, but super boned athletes would be one hell of a way to never see players get hurt because of a broken bone. Sign Ken Griffey up right away.

From NY Times

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Can Boston Fans Really Be This Dumb?

Yes...yes they can.

I'm John Cheney And I Approved This Message

Kobe Better Stock Up On Khakis

If blog hater Sam Smith is right, Kobe Bryant might need to load up on Dockers and start wearing his work ID around his neck even when he's not at work.

Smith reports that Kobe Bryant could move to the Washington Wizards with Agent Zero moving the other way. Most seem to think that a move to the Bulls is inevitable but an unnamed GM familiar with the Bryant talks thinks a Lakers-Wizards trade could happen.

This seems like a long shot as a one for one trade would be highly unlikely. Smith notes that the Lakers would also want a power forward which the Wizards don't have. Bryant also has a no-trade clause and hasn't expressed any interest in going to DC.
Arenas is talking about opting out of his contract after this season. He's from Los Angeles and has become a star, one of the league's highest-scoring players and an engaging personality who would embrace the Hollywood scene. He would meet the Lakers' demands for an All-Star player if they trade Bryant.
On the other hand, Bryant would find it hard to go from hanging at Teddy's to kicking it with the douchebags at Lauriol Plaza. I just don't see Kobe dropping $21,000 on jello shots at Millie and Al's. However the upside for Vanessa Bryant would be the less rapetastic nature of the city. No worries about Kobe getting into trouble for that anymore.

Miami Said Knock You Out

Little did the Rappin' Phins know they were talking about Trent "Scrambled Eggs" Green.

They also didn't realize that the 2007 Dolphins would have something in common with Hammer when he went bankrupt.

Somewhere Too Big MC and Angie B are rolling over in their graves.

Monday, October 29, 2007

What Do You Get When You Cross Renée Zellweger And A Gator

The only fraud that was committed was me thinking that I knew what it was like... that I really understood what it was like to be married, and I really didn't.
The assclown says not so fast my friend. The other fraud was fronting like you were a Tenneesee fan when you are really a Florida fan.

The only thing worse than being a loser is being a two time loser. We're not ones to make fun of family strife ... unless sports are involved. Kenny Chesney bought into the Renee Zellweger hype and lost. Instead of learning his lesson, he decided to double up and go all in on Tim Tebow. The Georgia Bulldogs would like to thank Chesney for his interest in the Florida Gators and wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors. The Tennessee Vols wish he was never born.
Such talk began in March after Chesney performed in Gainesville, Fla., the home of the University of Florida Gators, one of the University of Tennessee's fiercest Southeastern Conference rivals. At a concert there, Gator football fans came up on stage and put their team's helmet on Chesney's head.

With the helmet firmly in place, Chesney continued to entertain the crowd, who loved the sight of seeing their favorite country music star wearing the symbol of their pride.

Local fan anger was raised again in September when Chesney attended this year's Vols-Gator game in Gainesville, which the Vols lost, 59-20. There, he was spotted mingling with Florida supporters and seen posing for photographs with cheerleaders and the mascot for the Gators.
Chesney's lifetime loyalty to the Vols is being questioned by Tenneesee fans who are furious about his fraternization with other SEC past and present greats like the ol' ballcoach Steve Spurrier.
"He's been to a lot of shows," Chesney said. "So if anybody sees me and Steve down on the sidelines, me saying 'hi' (to him), don't ask for my head on Monday morning on WIVK."
At least he's not rubbing shoulders with original Judas Nick Saban.

A True American Hero

Joey Chestnut is on a mission this year, his mission is to bring all the competitive eating trophies back to the good ole US of A. In July, Chestnut won the Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest, crushing his wounded opponent Takeru Kobayashi. On Sunday, Chestnut did it again. Joey Chestnut ate 103 sliders in 8 minutes at the Krystal Burgers Square Off, beating Kobayashi's previous record of 97 set last year and pocketing a cool $10,000.

Unfortunately, Kobayashi was unable to attend this year's competition due to lingering pain in his jaw. Sucker.

Lets take a look at ALL of Chestnut's gastronomical (ouch i know) records:
8.6 pounds Tempura Deep Fried Aspargus Spears in 10 min
7.5 lbs Buffalo Chicken Wings in 12 min
182 chicken wings in 30 min
47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 min
212 chicken and vegetable gyoza in 10 min
6 lbs, 5 oz horseshoe sandwiches in 12 min
66 Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs and Buns in 12 min
118 Jalapeno Poppers in 10 min
4.82 lbs Pizza Hut P'Zones in 6 min
8.4 pounds pork rib meat in 12 min
9 Pounds, 6 Ounces Smoked, Pulled Pork in 10 min
45 pulled pork sandwiches in 10 min
22.5 Waffle House Waffles (8 oz.) in 10 min
...and now this. Way to go Joey Chestnut. You are a true American hero. USA! USA! USA!

This is Talent


What the Patriots did to the Washington Redskins last night was the worst loss I have ever seen in all my years of Redskins fandom. Think thats a stretch? The last time they lost near that bad was in 1961 when the Giants beat them 53-0.

It got so bad for me, the Redskins fan, that Cowboys fans at the sports bar I was at were actually cheering on the team that throttled them 48-27 just two weeks ago. That is some crazy shit right there and only confirms my belief that Cowboys fans are the single worst fans in sports. Yes, worse than Eagles fans...although it ain't by much.

Did the Patriots run up the score? Lets see, final score was damn right they ran up the score. New England went for it on 4th down, twice, while up over 30 points to the Redskins and they never stopped passing the ball. Think the Patriots care? Nope. "...we don't care," Patriots' receiver Donte Stallworth said after the game.

Now I am not going to whine about how big bad Bill Belichick shouldn't have done this or that nor will I complain about these random, ongoing, headset problems that seem to happen at Gillette...I am just going to say this:

Do not anger the Football Gods, New England Patriots. The Gods of the Football do not like taunting. Egos large and small have been crushed by the Football Gods. What Belichick, Brady, Moss and the entire organization are in danger of is thinking that they are bigger than the game. A beatdown of that magnitude signifies it. They don't care, they say. Its all about the Patriots right now and karma is a bitch whore.

So, on this day, congratulations Patriots and Patriot fans, you are still undefeated. You seem to have the single most complete team since the salary cap was instituted. Nothing seems like it can stop you...until the Football Gods inevitably intervene.

Lets just hope the injury bug that has seemed to miss this team does not strike anytime soon...and isn't brought upon by a "Bounty Bowl" III in the future.

Only Run When Chased

Here are a few videos showing how Red Sox fans celebrate a championship when their team wins it out in Colorado.

Where are they running? Why??

Why chant Yankees suck? You beat the Rockies dummies!

Yes, jumping off street lamps, that is good safe fun.

Also see Sawks fans we're glad we wont have to see for another 5 months

Red Sox Win World Series Again in Sweep

Thank God its we have a break of 5 months or so until we have to see

These tits again; or

This fucktard brat again; or
This fucking weirdo again; or

These assholes at every bar in America again; or

This asshole at every ballgame in America; or

This pair of Hollywood douchebags at a sporting event again; or

Him...fucking Dane fucking Cook.

Red Sox "Nation" should be proud? Congratufuckinglations.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Oh No Now My Pants Are Chafing Me

If your vicar tells you to take off your pants and cough, you might want to get a second opinion.

You can never accuse the church of not learning its lesson. After taking a public beatdown over child abuse allegations, the men of the cloth realized that they had to change tactics if they wanted to get their rocks off outside of the seminary. The answer? Sports medicine.

Rick Nash Is Better Than You

Check out Rick Nash's shot between the legs during last night's game between the Blue Jackets and Blues. I keep forgetting there's a team called the Blue Jackets. That's Georgia Tech's team, right?

Don't Make Ray Ray Mad

You won't like Ray Lewis when he's mad. He could do his version of the Buckhead Bounce on you meaning he gets a little stabby then takes off before anyone knows what happened.

Lewis started the week off by going off on Ravens head coach Brian Billick for idiotic play calling on his Baltimore radio show. He didn't stop with Billick. He also gave some to former teammate Adalius Thomas, now with New England, after an Oct. 16 Sports Illustrated article came out where Thomas criticized the Ravens as attention seekers.
"People there wanted the limelight; people sought out the limelight, starting with the head coach. It was a star-studded system. Here it's about as different as you can get. Everybody here shies away from being the star guy. Nobody on this team beats his chest. They just all go about their business. And win."
Lewis responded on Monday in the midst of calling out Billick.
"When you take a shot at men that you claim to love to go to war with, I call those cowards," Lewis said. "If you have something to say privately, you don't have to go to a newspaper. If you have something to say to a man, speak it."

"We won a Super Bowl without Adalius Thomas. The New England Patriots won three Super Bowls without Adalius Thomas. You're talking about a guy who we put in - a great talent, don't ever get me wrong - but systematically we had to fit him into our schemes."
Thomas didn't take too kindly to being called a coward in addition to being a cog. He called Lewis a coward for not taking his complaints about the play-calling upstairs to the offensive genius himself.

The Patriots play the Ravens on Dec. 3. Lewis might want to hold back considering Billick couldn't coach his way out of a wet paper bag right now.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Who's Who in the CFL?

We sometimes forget that there is a haven for failed NFL players up north. The CFL is a place for those who wish to play competitive football that is not the bastard Arena Football League hybrid...instead its a bastard outdoor league hybrid. I mean, 3 downs? WTF??? But I digress, lets take a look at some people you may or may not remember that were once college greats but NFL busts, that are actually thriving in the Canadian Football League:

Jarrett Payton -
College: University of Miami
Best Known For: Being Walter Payton's son
Career Highlight: Being on the World Bowl XIII Champion Amsterdam Admirals
Undistinguished NFL Career: Finished the 2005 NFL season with the Tennessee Titans having 33 carries for 105 yards and 2 touchdowns. Released the next season.
Where is He Now: The Montreal Alouettes. Currently 5th in the league in rushing with 822 yards, averaging 5.3 a carry, and 9 TDs (1 receiving)

Michael Bishop -
College: Kansas State
Best Known For: Being the first cousin of actor/comedian/singer Jamie Foxx and finishing 2nd to Ricky Williams (another CFL alum) in the 1998 Heisman Trophy Award.
Career Highlight: Starting all 25 games in his K-State career and holds the school career records with 23 rushing touchdowns and 1,314 yards rushing for quarterbacks (11th overall).
Undistinguished NFL Career: Signed with the Patriots in 1999, saw first action in 2000 and only threw nine times with three completions, one of which being a 44 yard hailmary pass. Out of the league by 2001.
Where is He Now: Toronto Argonauts. Currently the Argonauts starting QB and 6th best quarterback in the CFL, Bishop has an 87.1 QB rating with 2409 yards and 18 TDs. Bishop has also run for 219 yards on 33 carries.

Robert Edwards -
College: University of Georgia
Best Known For: Blowing out his knee at a NFL rookie flag football game at the All Star game in Hawaii, barely escaping the injury without having his leg amputated below the knee, and told he may not walk again.
Career Highlight: After being drafted in the 1st round, Edwards ran for 1,115 yards as a rookie with the New England Patriots in the 1998 season.
Undistinguished NFL Career: After ruining his knee, Edwards took 4 years to come back to the league, where he was only relegated to 3rd down duties for just one season with the Miami Dolphins.
Where is He Now: Toronto Argonauts. Edwards is eighth in the league in rushing with 668 yards and 3 touchdowns, averaging 4.5 yards per carry.

Terrence Edwards -
College: University of Georgia
Best Known For: Being the brother of Robert Edwards.
Career Highlight: Setting the SEC receiving yardage total record and is second all-time in receptions in the conference.
Undistinguished NFL Career: Active for 6 games with the Atlanta Falcons during the 2003 season...has 1 NFL catch for 10 yards.
Where is He Now: Winnipeg Blue Bombers. Number one in the CFL for receving with 724 receptions, 1241 yards, and 9 TDs.

Ken Yon Rambo -
College: Ohio State University
Best Known For: Finishing eighth on OSU's all-time reception list with 106 career catches and seventh in receiving yards with 1,849. Also for setting a school record with a 22.9-yard average on 64 kick-off returns.
Career Highlight: Um see above? Methinks Rambo peaked a little too soon.
Undistinguished NFL Career: In 2 years with the Dallas Cowboys (2001-02) Rambo's total stats were 17 receptions for 239 yards.
Where is He Now: Calgary Stampeders. 14th in the CFL for receiving with 54 catches for 831 yards.

Jarious Jackson -
College: Notre Dame
Best Known For: Setting Notre Dame single-season records for passing yards (2,753, breaking Joe Theisman's record), completions (184), and attempts (316).
Career Highlight: Took Notre Dame to the 2000 Fiesta Bowl 1999 Gator Bowl...the highlight ended there, Notre Dame lost 41-9 to Oregon State 35-28 to Georgia Tech. Took the Barcelona Dragons's to World Bowl IX...they lost to the Berlin Thunder 24-17.
Undistinguished NFL Career: Drafted in the 7th round by the Broncos, Jackson had a 4 year career with Denver with just 5 games played, completing 11 of 22 passes for 114 yards.
Where is He Now: British Columbia Lions. 7th best QB in the league with a rating of 84.1 with 2248 yards and 53% completions. He is also 13th in rushing with 254 yards.

Others you may remember: Tay Cody (Florida State & San Diego Chargers); Anthony Davis (Wisconsin and Indianapolis Colts); Timmy Chang (Hawaii); Jamaica Jackson (South Carolina); Zeke Moreno (Southern Cal. & San Diego Chargers); Ike Charlton (Va Tech & Seattle Seahawks); Kliff Kingsbury (Texas Tech & various NFL teams)

CFL Stats provided by The Sports Network

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Furries Beatdown

Something about seeing a bunch of people in animal costumes beating the shit outta a couple of fools behind the stage of a live performance makes me smile. Do not fuck with the carnies!!

Snow White Don't Know Nothin About No London

Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder is a funny man, that is him in that outfit, someone needs to give him a blog. He was interviewed yesterday and told the reporter that he didn't know they spoke English in London and more. Look at this entry from the Palm Beach Post blogger Tim Graham:
“I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries,” Crowder said. “I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that.

“I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name.”

When reminded Dolphins practice squad receiver and NFL Europe veteran Marvin Allen is from London, Crowder’s standup routine didn’t miss a beat.

“He’s from London?” Crowder said. “I knew he was from over there because he talks funny. I was surprised (when they met) because — I don’t want to say he didn’t look the part because that’s a stereotype — but he didn’t look the part. I heard him talk, and I thought he had a recorder and was just mouthing.”

Someone, give this man a blog. I have to hear his thoughts aboot Canadians. Oh, in case you thought i'd forget, what the hell is up with that Snow White outfit? Someone help me here.

(Chimp Note: I love that 100% Injury Rate found this on Digg at the same time as me...hilarious, i like WCK's write up better, but my picture rocks.)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Say Chowda! Say It! Say It!

9/11 president Rudy Giuliani has finally given in to terror. The New England variety that is. I'm not sure how that differs from the Middle Eastern kind. Maybe it's like the difference between Manhattan and New England Clam Chowder. One threatens you with WMDs and the other corners you and blabbers on in a terrible accent about how wicked ahsome the Pats and Sawx ah. The people, not the chowder. I'm not sure which is worse but I do know that strong analysis like this shows I should be working for the RAND Corporation.

Rudy has come out and said that he'll be rooting for the Boston Red Sox in the World Series starting tonight. He made the admission during a campaign stop in Boston.
"I'm an American League fan, and I go with the American League team, maybe with the exception of the Mets," he said. "Maybe that would be the one time I wouldn't because I'm loyal to New York."
An assclown says what? Is Big Perm the last man who believes in principalities? Think of how everyone who suffered through 9/11 feels knowing that the one man who single-handedly saved everyone doesn't have the courage to stand by his proclaimed principles. This is the same guy who gave the Yankees a sweetheart deal before checking out. Why doesn't he piss on Yankee Stadium while he's at it?

If he can't stand up to douchebags in faded Red Sox hats, how's he going to stand up to Ahmadinejad and 48 Italian prime ministers on scooters? At least LeBron supported the Yankees from childhood. Is Rudy going to side with evil if it looks like they're coming back from the equivalent of a 3-1 deficit? There's no hope. We've already lost.

On the upside, I can't wait until Mitt Romney comes out and promises to blow the entire Boston starting rotation to show how much more committed he is to the Red Sox than Rudy.

Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

"We can't win in America. Maybe we can win overseas."
-- Miami Dolphins' Jason Taylor speaking to The Guardian.

Master Of The Own Goal

Frank Sinclair was, is and will be the master of the own goal. Witness the glory that is Frank Sinclair.

I bring up Mr. Sinclair because of a quality own goal from this past weekend. Sunderland was holding on to a 1-1 draw with West Ham when Sunderland keeper Craig Gordon pulled a Sinclair.
Skip to 1:34 to witness the next coming.

West Ham V Sunderland
Uploaded by LiveFooty

In all fairness, there wasn't much he could have done about it but it still makes for some quality laughs.

Oooh Him Book Read Good!

What do you think of when you think of Alabama coach Nick Saban? Honor? Integrity? Accountability? Yeah me too.

Alabama is investigating itself for potential violations of NCAA rules governing the distribution of free textbooks to athletes. "Student-athletes" are not supposed to receive more textbooks than are required for their coursework.
Alabama starting offensive linemen Antoine Caldwell and Marlon Davis, tailback Glen Coffee and defensive backs Marquis Johnson and Chris Rogers were suspended for Alabama's 41-17 victory over Tennessee on Saturday. University officials said the suspensions involved impermissible receipt of textbooks.
Saban responded by saying that the players used "poor judgment". However he didn't stop there.
Head coach Nick Saban said Monday the players used "poor judgment," but that the university's textbook distribution system for athletes also failed the players.

"No one at the university wants me to say it, but it's true," Saban said in a speech to the Monday Morning Quarterback Club.

"We had some guys use poor judgment in how they did it," Saban said. "Now, the NCAA might see it as an extra benefit. We saw it, we reported it. But the system failed the players, too. If we call a bad play and it doesn't work, we're responsible."
Way to pass the buck, Saban. Those textbooks are as tempting as an Alabama sorority girl on her knees. If they keep giving, the players will keep taking. "Give it to me, mandingo! I hope my dad doesn't find out!" It's not fair of people to keep offering them cars, clothes, money, hoes and biochemistry textbooks.

The Alabama case is similar to a case involving Ball State which was placed on two years probation for the same violations.
In the Ball State case, the NCAA said last week the infractions involved 89 athletes in 10 sports from the spring semester of 2003 to the end of the 2004-05 school year. The athletes obtained $26,944 in books for classes in which they weren't enrolled and, in some cases, got more than one copy of a book, which they gave to others, the NCAA said.
I guess we can't blame Saban. It's not like he knows anything about taking responsibility for one's actions. Rubble rubble!

Picture Of The Day

What the fuck, Didier? I demand that Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora dress in full soccer uniforms complete with socks over the knees.

Tangent. Baseball managers wear baseball uniforms. Shouldn't coaches and managers in other sports be required to wear the same uniforms as their players? If Lou Pinella has to squeeze into a baseball uniform, Nellie should be required to wear a Warriors uniform. Joe Gibbs should be forced to wear a Skins uniform and go with a single bar like Theismann. How great would it be to see Wade Phillips or Andy Reid in a football uniform or Sir Alex Ferguson in a Manchester United kit? Dave Wannstedt should wear a mascot uniform as his continued presence in the coaching ranks is an insult to the game.

Then again the Giants could use a little Soul Glo on their roster to go with that Guy Whimper.

Don't F--k With The Haka

It wouldn't be a proper Tri-Nations without your 2007 Rugby World Cup winners South Africa so here's a gem from the 80s TV show Spitting Image. Leave it to the English to bring this up during the leadup to the RWC final this past weekend. Before you get all uppity, self-righteous and Peace Corps on us, remember this was made during the apartheid era when I wouldn't play Sun City.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Office Beatdown

Apparently, you do not throw pencils at the guy in white. Its been awhile since I've had a random video of horrific violence, so here you go:

dude owns co-worker - Watch more free videos

Todd Collins Has A Diary

Well not really, but Todd Collins - Diary of an NFL Quarterback is an entertaining fake blog found via Covering the Redskins, here's a little taste of the Todd for ya (nice find Bram):
Hola senoritas and those of you senoras into the swinging lifestyle, it’s your man TC here on a mission to brighten up your long work day with a high quality dose of blogging on the second of six consecutive off days. Unfortunately, I have not made it to the Cheesecake Factory yet, since I am still in bed with a certain lady friend…
How are there not more of these types of blogs out there? This is fine writing indeed, the posts are lengthy, but full of some funny bits. If only the "Todd" would update more often. Also, if you're a Redskins fan, you must read Bram Weinstein's blog Covering the Redskins, he's quite the blogging novice, but he is at the park every day and has some pretty good insights into the team from a different perspective than La Canfora's Redskins Insider.

Link to Diary of an NFL Quarterback
Link to Covering the Redskins

The Rams and Dolphins Need Some of This

Amazingly, that is not a photoshop, its an actual laundry detergent for athletes. Anyway, 0-7? Wow. The Rams are finding it tough to win without an offensive line and the Dolphins are finding it tough to win, um, period. The Dolphins legitimately have a chance to go 0-16 this year. Its would be a nice bookend to their perfect, 17-0 season with one of absolute failure. Lets see them pop some champagne for that! In any case, here's a video for these two loser teams...the Saints are also included in this but since they won this week, I dunno if they should be. However, the anguish that is emoted on the screen are valid for all the fans of teams with sub .500 records out there.

Link to Win Detergent

The World Gets a Bit Lazier

If you want to get somewhere without expending any of your own energy, your options are kinda limited without access to a car. You could look like a dork and use an electric scooter, or use one of those stupid lookin Segways and look like a rich dork.

Now, there is a new way to look like an asshole while moving around town, the Ishoes, motorized shoes. Watch this guy tear ass in his new shoes. I dunno if this makes a person look more lazy than any of the aforementioned transportation devices, not to mention how impractical these look. I wanna see what extreme shit someone can do with this, it might just be "going into traffic". Enjoy...

Link to

MLB & Taco Bell Like PB & J...and other baseball happenings

MLB and Taco Bell have got a deal that will cost you nothing, except minutes off your life. If any person steals a base in the World Series, Taco Bell will give away 1 free taco to everyone in America. Thats right, free tacos baby. Lets all get a little fatter peoples. Eat up.

In other news, Boston is going to the world series again, denying the Indians yet ANOTHER chance to win any sport. Those poor bitches. Hopefully the Rockies won't be rusty from the slight layoff and will crush the BoSox, I honestly cannot have a year where the Red Sox and the Patriots are both soul weeps at the thought.

Despite the Indians losing, Paul Byrd's name won't be leaving the headlines anytime soon, the Cleveland pitcher has been found out to be a former HGH user, spending around 25,000 bucks for the pleasure of using the illegal drug. God is good isn't he? Byrd does say he was prescribed the HGH for use in rehabbing an adult growth hormone deficiency...wait, aren't you supposed to stop growing? Byrd really has pie on his face now...

Finally, Steinbrenner Jr. speaks, and he's calling out Joe Torre. Who is really the ingrate here, Torre or the Steinbrenners?

Link to MLB Taco Giveaway site

Friday, October 19, 2007

Where Are My Lineups, Fox?!?!

Dr. Z of Sports Illustrated brought up a very interesting note in his "Inside the NFL" column, Fox Sports has stopped showing the starting lineups at the beginning of their NFL games. That kinda shocked me. Dr. Z had a conversation with David Hill, Chairman of Fox Sports and midway down page 2, you can see how that fruitless conversation went, but here's a snippet:
"You want to know who's in or out?" [David]Hill [Chairman of Fox Sports] said. "The announcers will give you that in their stand-up. I don't want the screen cluttered up with that."

But the announcers did not give me that. Yes they did, he said. No they didn't, I said. Yes they did. And the argument raged. When our conversation was over I called Fox's PR department and asked them if they could send me a tape, so I could see for myself (I hadn't saved my tape of the pre-game). They said they would. Coming right up. They never sent it. You just can't win, folks. When you're dealing with corporate America, you just can't win.

Ladies and Gentlemen, starting lineups have been a mainstay in football broadcasts since I can remember. They've even progressed, in this digital age, from just pictures to the actual players announcing themselves! We the people need this just so we know if say Santonio Holmes is playing or if his backup is in because Holmes pulled a hamstring!

Ok well you and I don't necessarily need this because we play fantasy football and know the lineups a half hour before the start of the game, but most people don't subscribe to those services that tell us that. In any case, its tradition! Its how football has been broadcast since the dawn of football being broadcast! You cannot change this! TELL FOX WE NEED OUR LINEUPS!

Here's their feedback page if you really want them back...but who else misses them like I do? Is it just clutter or do you like them like Dr. Z and I do?

Mike Flynt's Friends Are Kinda Nuts

We posted a story a few days ago questioning the motives behind Mike Flynt's (in light green) collegiate comeback to football, saying that perhaps part of his dream was to sell a few more pieces of exercise equipment. Apparently, friend of Mike Flynt, Randy Wilson (in blue) was not amused. He posted a comment in our comments, sent us an email that is too long to print, and he even posted in the comments of the Yardbarker story that we posted.

In addition he posted this in the Sul Ross forums:

"Everybody READ THIS From Randy W

Date: 18 Oct 2007
Time: 16:48:01 -0400
Remote Name:
Remote User:

Everybody please go to this site and read the comment by deuce of davenport. Then feel free to click on "post comment" and cut loose. Says Mike is only going to Sul Ross to sell Powerbases?????Believe me there's an easier way. Read my comments then feel free to practice your American right of FREE SPEECH."

Wow, that is quite the rallying cry there. I read a little more in this forum and I saw this gem further questioning Mike Flynt's history more than I ever did:

"Everybody READ THIS from Marco P.

Date: 18 Oct 2007
Time: 17:32:11 -0400
Remote Name:
Remote User:


Honorable words, Mr. W. I too think there is nothing more honorable than practicing my right to freedom of speech! But yet, how can you exalt your right to defend Michael Flynt, but yet shoot down and attempt to silence those who pose questions against him? Is it not protected speech to probe into the unknow, seek the truth, and shed light onto questions that are burning to be answered? We are here to find the truth, the secret that remains desperately protected by Flynt's cronies, Randy, Gaby, "TS," and his lapdog Toyah. We are here to bring the answer to the people, WHY IT IS THAT MICHAEL FLYNT WAS EXPELLED FROM HIS COLLEGE YEARS AGO? Why is it that a good and just man would hide in the shadows and refuse to reveal his true self to the world? If Flynt is so great, so close to the truth as you claim he is, let him come forth and tell us all him self. We are for the truth! We are for justice! We will find our answers, and you loyal followers will not stand in our way. -MP"

MP I assume is the same Marco Polo that posted in our comments section who said:

"he is a fake and a druggie no one should admire this man"

I just don't know who to trust anymore? Randy Wilson sure comes off as a little fanatical, but Marco Polo comes off as a little bitter. I wonder if Marco Polo attended Sul Ross, if so that school has to put out some of the most intense people on the planet. All I know is...I want me a free Powerbase for all this free press I'm giving this old fart. Problem is, if I give out my address, I am liable to get a pipe bomb or something for besmirching the good name of Mike Flynt. What to do, what to do.

For Randy, I will make this change to my prior post:

Mike Flynt = Not Worthy Of Our Praise Has Intense Friends

Dallas Cowboys Are Cheap And Dumb

The Dallas Cowboys organization participated in a domain name auction for the site "". The auction ended with the organization bidding $275,000 and they won the site. The only problem is, they thought they were bidding $275 for the name and now they don't want it. The head of the auction site that had the name had this to say in a forum:
when I spoke to their attorney...he was dead serious, had no idea that it was $275K and was shocked when he received the purchase agreement ( he thought he bought it for $275.00 - thats right two hundred and seventy five dollars!). I almost asked him what he was smoking.

after falling out of my chair....not ever experiencing anything like this one, we are going to let this dog stay sleeping for a while. someone should pick this name up and it will ultimately cost the cowboys millions when they finish that $800M stadium they are building. I told the attorney that my guess was that they probably sell $275K in popcorn and beer in one game and that they were foolish not to look at their brand in a different way.

We find a way to turn dirt into diamonds anyway and this will be well past us.

Pretty dumb huh? HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS?!?!!!

Seriously, the domain name has got to be worth that much, if not more, why wouldn't they want to lock that bad boy up? They're paying more for Roy Williams and I'm sure he's made less hits than that site would've.

Time To Work Your Balls

I've never understood what women do with those inflatable work-out balls. Never seemed to me like they could do much of anything for the body. I understand now. This video makes it all quite clear and the 3 girls in lingerie certainly helped. (NSFW)

The Constitutional Vol.20 - DC Edition!

Here in DC, we have a TON of great bloggers to read throughout the day, and really, I don't think I mention it enough. Quality work from you all. So, in tribute to my fellow Washington DC bloggers, a special friday link-dump just for you guys and gals (if I missed you, let me know)...Welcome to the Constitutional.

This Guy Thinks the BCS Sucks

I dont think I can count how many times Peter Rosenberg says "SUCKS" in this video...all I know is, I agree with him.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Doc Rivers Is Excited About The New Season

There must be a reasonable explanation for this besides Doc having a raging hard on...I smell a caption contest!!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Halloween Is Coming...Who Should You Be?

The Deuce is quite fond of the Halloween season, it is such a great time for women of the world to dress up in the sluttiest clothes possible and actually get praise instead of scorn for baring tons of cleavage and leg. Women you wouldn't even think of as bimbos get all hoochied up and it is a wonderful thing. Sadly, this article has nothing to do with them. This is for us sports watching guys.

We, unlike the fine ladies of the world, don't have the option of wearing some borderline red lingerie outfit with devil horns and saying "I'm the devil" or some pseudo sports related "sexy referee" outfit...we must get more creative. So, we've culled together a few sports related costumes that you might want to see if you can use for your Halloween.

We love to help.

1) Travis Henry:
Simple costume to do, all you need is a Travis Henry Broncos jersey, 9 plastic baby dolls, and 1 gigantic rolled up joint in your mouth. The 9 baby dolls should be in a stroller, on your shoulder, head, cradled in your arm, attached to your tit, on your legs...all over because, where the hell you gonna keep 9 kids??

2) Roy Williams
Get yourself a Williams jersey, put a Pizza Hut button down over top of it, grab a pizza box and you're all set. Just don't expect any tips.

3) Derek Jeter
For the guy who doesn't want to get laid that night, wear a Jeter jersey and add a huge ass cold sore on your face with some make up. Prepare for no female to talk to your Herpes ridden ass.

4) George Steinbrenner
Get yourself a white turtleneck, sport coat, and a white wig...walk around saying “Great to see ya, Tommy,” to everyone in the room.

5) Bill Belichick
Wear a hoodie and a headset, look real sour all the time and have a friend videotape everything that is going on across the bar/party for you.

6) Greg Oden
Get a tree costume...wear Oden's jersey. DONE!

7) Bill Simmons
If all the above is too hard to do, just be Bill Simmons. To do this follow these steps: a) be white, very white; b) dress incredibly average in every way; c) be the most pompous and smug guy in the room; d) talk relentlessly about the Karate Kid, 90210, Boston sports teams and your friends no one cares about; e) try to give your book away, watch no one take it.

Any more suggestions?