Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Minorities To Become Minority Owners in Miami

Someone needs to tell the Miami Dolphins they're doing it wrong. Majority owner Stephen Ross should probably spend less time worrying about the halftime entertainment. He named the stadium after Jimmy Buffett's Land Shark beer and now Gloria Estefan and her husband Emilio are coming aboard as minority owners. Why they gotta get all racialist? Why can't they just be owners? Damn that's messed up.

Both parties refuse to confirm the rumor but a major announcement will be made at LandShark Stadium this Thursday. Ross and the Estefans will be in attendance. Gloria was in Nashville on Monday recording a new version of "Are You Ready For Some Football" with Hank Williams Jr. to be used this season on Monday Night Football.

Why stop with Jimmy Buffett and the Estefans? Think of the possibilities. Gloria likes to count to four and so does Pitbull. He'll keep the rowdy fan(s) in check (1:05). Spaulding would want a little something for the negroes too.** Bring Trick Daddy and Uncle Luke on board. They've worked together (NSFW language) in the past. Trick's a regular guest on Dan LeBatard's local radio show and Luke runs Miami Hurricane football so they both have professional sports cred. Throw in Flo-Rida and oh hot damn, the Dolphins have themselves one hell of an owners group. It's not going to be Bill Parcells' jam when he has to hit Flo-Rida up for money to buy another mediocre receiver. "Fine. I can do that, playa. But first put on these Apple Bottom jeans and boots with the fur. I wanna see them moobs bounce! Hit the floor! Shawty, get low low low low! Now throw them hands up in the ayer! Ayer!" A tear will run down Parcells' cheek like that Indian on the side of the road. It's funny because it could happen.

**That's a reference to a line in Caddyshack so don't start. Talk to Spaulding, Judge Smails or someone else who doesn't care that you didn't get it.

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