Dominus Ominus, The Cubs Still Suck

There's not much you can do when God hates your team. Cubs fans can sacrifice goats and chug enough Old Style to down a wildebeest but nothing is going to wash the stink off the team besides a World Series appearance. The team is so desperate for an end to the World Series curse that they've resorted to finding random holy men to bless the team.

The Cubs brought in a Greek Orthodox priest to bless the Wrigley Field home dugout before Game 1 of last year's Divisional Series. It didn't go so well and now the team is throwing the priest under the Popemobile (or whatever the Greek Orthodox equivalent is).

Rev. James L. Greanias, the Greek Orthodox priest brought in to Wrigley Field to remove a curse before Game 1 of last year's playoffs, has accused Cubs Chairman Crane Kenney of throwing him "under the bus" at last weekend's Cubs Convention.

When a fan asked about the ritual, Kenney took the blame, calling it "one of the dumbest things" he had done. Kenney said Greanias had initially approached him.

"An e-mail comes in, and this was a huge Cubs fan who wants to get tickets to the game and has a cell phone with a Cubs ring tone on it, and I said, 'Let him go,' " Kenney said.

Greanias disputes Kenney's account. He says the Cubs called him because they wanted a Greek Orthodox priest. The man who put the curse on the team in 1945, William Sianis, was Greek so they figured another Greek could remove the curse. That worked as well as the Cubs offense. Felix Pie and Ryan Dempster would like to thank the Greeks for playing and have some lovely parting gifts at the door.

The Cubs are going about this in the wrong way. If there's anyone who can break the curse, it's the voodoo guy who throws a Molotov cocktail in a car after saying "I want you to meet my sister, goddess of fire".



Screw blessing the dugout. Send Screwface after the competition. "Stop your blood clot crying! Everybody must dead. It's your turn!"