An alarming trend is increasing in English soccer. We're not talking about roasting. That goes back to the days of the Magna Carta. We're talking about players getting on the mic and thinking they have skills. We last brought you the manatee-ish warblings of Cristiano Ronaldo covering Julio Igelsias. Don't worry, Man U fans. You still have Rio Ferdinand. He may be shit on the pitch lately but at least his skills on the mic haven't faltered ... Um never mind.
Fergie should bench him for this abomination. Never mind his crap form for United.
Speaking of Ronaldo, we can't leave you without letting you know about his new collaboration. The Portuguese walrus of love is reportedly collaborating with Joe Jackson to put an end to George Foreman's reign as the king of grills. The two are teaming up to release a line of grills shaped like soccer balls called "Goalie Grills".
If there's anyone who knows how to work a grill, it's the guy pictured above. You know I could go with the boxer but I'm gonna go with the effeminate soccer player with the short shorts and pink shirt. Hopefully the grill plays his new jam whenever it's opened. How long until your guests find a way to impale you with a spatula or spork?
Joe Jackson is claiming this story is true so it's probably not since we haven't heard from the tikka-tinged one. If this project is legit, it'll end with Joe beating Ronaldo to a pulp. "Always be selling, fancy boy!" Tito will be in the corner crying, "That's what daddy did to Michael when he took my syrup! Mama, make him stop!" while Katherine screams, "Joe, stop beatin' that girl! Joe, stop beatin' that girl!"*
*Remember when Martin Lawrence used to be funny (language NSFW) Probably not.