Who knew being raped by a wombat made one speak like an Australian? Arthur Craddock of New Zealand called the police and claimed he was being raped by a wombat only to call back and tell him that the wombat ceased and desisted.
"I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty alright you know. I didn't hurt my bum at all."
Craddock also claimed that the anal violation by the wombat caused him to start "speaking Australian". I always wanted to speak Indonesian. How can I convince a komodo dragon to rape me?