Lastings Milledge Would Like A Platinum Tank

While you're at it, throw in a platinum football field, platinum grilles and some platinum eyebrows. It's time to take a look at MLB incentive clauses and see what players ask for beyond the money.

The Boston Herald pointed our attention to an absurdly time wasting site called Cot's Baseball Contracts. The site (mlbcontracts.blogspot.com) "tracks Major League baseball contracts, signing bonuses, service time and franchise values". The Herald has gone through the trouble of picking out select players and noting what perks they've requested and received. Here are just a few examples:

A.J. BURNETT — The Blue Jays provided eight round-trip limousine trips per season for Burnett’s wife between Toronto and their home in Maryland (2006-08).

MARK McGWIRE — Attendance bonus of $1 per fan for each Busch Stadium fan beyond 2.8 million (1998-2001); $2 per fan beyond 2.8 million (2003-03).

GEORGE BRETT — In a negotiated extension, agreed to give the Royals the bat from the July 24, 1983 “Pine Tar” game (1984).

ROY OSWALT — Awarded a bulldozer from the Astros for winning Game 6 of the 2005 National League Championship Series.

ALEX RODRIGUEZ — Tales from the Crypt lingerie for Madonna, Savage Garden's Greatest Hits, baseball glove with mirrored pocket, final say on batboy hiring, Tiger Beat subscription, entire collection of Dawson's Creek DVDs, Lisa Lisa's All Cried Out to be played in clubhouse while he showers.

ELIJAH DUKES — Foster Care For Dummies book, a Deuce of Davenport original "You Dead Dawg" t-shirt, T-Mobile Fav 5 plan for calling his wife and teenage baby mama, Gatorade and slingshot for propelling said Gatorade.

We might have made the last two up but that's neither here nor there. The possibilities are endless. Players are wasting time with typical requests. It's time they start getting creative to see how much teams want their services. "Fine, I'll sign but first I want an endangered turducken made by a chimp wearing a tuxedo and monocle and I wanted it delivered by the guy who played Higgins in an Island Hoppers chopper, Airwolf or Blue Thunder. I can wait."