Thursday, January 7, 2010
Who Wants To Date An NFL Player?
It's the end of the season for most NFL players and you know what that means. More time for NFL players to get in trouble with the groupies. There's nothing women love more than dating tips from married men especially married, rich men who aren't going to "date" them. Cosmo asked 10 of the "hottest NFL stars out there" about their dating preferences and pet peeves. That's great but not applicable. Sorry, ladies. Most of you aren't going to land a Tony Gonzalez despite what your magazines tell you. And no he's really not listening. Don't put your head in your salad. The Deuce is here to help you. We went out and found out what real NFL players want and don't want from women.
JaMarcus Russell: I like a woman that makes me another pork pot pie while I'm eating the first one. I also like a woman that smells like bacon. If you look like food, I got time.
Darnell Dockett: You gotta be down with the Dutch Oven. They don't call me Fart Box for nothing.
Pat Patriot: I need a wicked pissah of a woman who knows what to do when I drop into the three point stance. Steely Dan style if you know what I mean. Don't worry, I got small bills in case you gotta make change. Me and Welkah get them nice Warwick girls. Down for whatevah and no questions. No dahkies unless they look like Crispus Attucks.
Ray Lewis: What time is it?? Gametime!!! Woo!!! This what I come to do today!!
Kyle Boller: Well I like a woman that's nice and spe... (phone drops and hangs up)
Tony Romo: Can you sing? No? Good. Can you chew and think at the same time? No? Good. Do you have a problem with me not being able to finish the job? No? Good.
Michael Vick: I only rock one position. I'm like Black Sheep, honey. I drop the ney like when you drop to your knees! Woof woof, babygirl!! Grrr!!
Hopefully you ladies have a little more insight into the minds of NFL players. We wish we could do more for you but as Oran "Juice" Jones says, we can't give you nuthin' but advice cause you're still young. In the words of Dave Chappelle, "Get out there and be somebody!"