Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Michael Jordan's Trying to Put Platinum Eyebrows On These Hoes

Michael Jordan has way too much money. He's the colonel of the muthafuckin' tank. I wouldn’t be surprised if he bought Master P’s platinum tank from the Make ‘Em Say Uhh video. I'm sure Percy needs the money for his brother's bail or the And 1 tour bus that's stuck outside of Biloxi.

Speaking of Cash Money (M period Fresh comma, your wife is my baby mama) and No Limit, why hasn’t anyone suggested a merger? I’m sure the FTC, FCC, FICA or Freddie Foxx wouldn’t have a problem with these corporations combining forces like the Constructicons, Construda or whatever. There would be so much flossin’, there wouldn’t be a single cavity in Louisiana. I digress.

You know who else is impressed by MJ's holdings besides his wife? Charles Barkley.
"You have to look at it two ways," Barkley, now an analyst for TNT, said. " 'Wow, that's a lot of money. Wow, that's a lot of money.' Then the second way, 'Damn, Michael's got a lot of money.' … Personally I would have to have somebody else write the check. You've got to be so [ticked] to write that check."

Chimp Rage brought you the $168 million story last Monday. It doesn't matter how you look at it. That's a shitload of money. Sir Charles is probably thinking about all the bets he could throw down with that stash. Think how great it would be to roll with him and all that money. You could think of any bet and actually make it happen.

"I wonder if Kelly Osborne could eat a snow leopard before it eats her?"
"Sheeeit, only one way to find out! To the A380!"

There's no question Sir Charles would end up going out like Steve Fossett. It would probably be on a quest in Australia to find out how many Tasmanian Devils it would take to bring down Oliver Miller.

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