Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Gentlemen We Salute Your Vigor

England may blow donkey dick when it comes to soccer but when it comes to debauchery, there's no team better equipped for success. The guys who brought you roasting now give you a night at the club sponsored by Chelsea winger Shaun Wright-Phillips.

The News of the World reports that England players threw down at Wright-Phillips' birthday party which fell between crucial Euro 2008 qualifiers and all hell broke loose. The paper reported the following:
  • [England and Chelsea captain John] Terry being so drunk he URINATED on the floor and in a cup.
  • Another player begging two lapdancers for a THREESOME.
  • Some guests getting so drunk that they VOMITED on the floor.
  • An ugly SCUFFLE between Wright-Phillips and a female guest who dared to take his picture.
  • Terry, missing from action through a knee injury, BOUNCING up and down on his bad leg with dancers.
  • An unnamed top player on the national team got a blowjob then full on sex in the club basement while people walked on by.
    "He was in a corridor where staff have their lockers behind the VIP area and you have to get to it by going through two doors. Obviously he had sneaked off hoping no one had seen him. He was p****d and didn't give a monkey's about anything. The girl gave him oral for ages and when I came back she was sitting in his lap having full sex."

    "They were grunting and bonking right in front of me. It's incredible that this should be going on so close to England becoming the laughing stock of Europe by not qualifying."

    "Word got around they were there and several people came to have a look. One of the managers tried to get the player to stop but he was too gone."

    "The manager was so stunned all he could come up with was, ‘What are you doing to my chair?'"
    Meanwhile, Terry, who had been out injured, was dancing around a stripper pole and letting the ladies know that his penis is a mountain. (Link to video)
    "He went up to dance on stage with two lapdancers. He was wriggling his hips and trying to dance all sexy with the girls."

    "The pole-dancing area is up a couple of steps so everyone saw what was going on. He's really going for it and you can see the girls, who were wearing tiny tops and hotpants, were loving it. He even appears to be pretending to rub his groin as he turns to face them at one point."

    "Certainly his movement is amazing. I'm surprised he was out so long with a knee injury because his dancing was pretty fast and furious."
    You'd think JT would have stopped there but he's the captain and as a friend of mine says, "Go big or go home!". He proceeded to piss all over the floor while trying to hit a plastic cup. Two other girls threw up on the floor after drinking too much Grey Goose and Moet.

    Now that's what we at the Deuce call maximum effort. You leave it all in the club by the time you walk out. Set an example for those other national sides who think they can hang. God save the queen? Nah playboy. God save anyone who tries to roll with England and doesn't bring their A game.

    Oh yeah, England lost 3-2 to Croatia the following Wednesday and were eliminated from the Euro 2008 finals.

    Photo and video courtesy of News of the World.

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