Wayne Rooney's Metatarsal

One weekend down. Spurs are getting relegated and Sunderland's gonna win the league. Who says there's no balance in the Premier League? Two roundups in one week. It's like a gang sweep in LA except no innocents are beaten unless you count Spuds fans.

Yay! Wait...I Like Stuff but These are Things

It's not enough that Posh Spice annoys us with her excessive preening and desperation for media attention. Now she's started a blog and "writes" like a valley girl from an 80s movie.

Hope you are all well? Well we have finally unpacked our boxes and I am loving our new house - it is totally major! ... The boys are really looking forward to starting their new school so we've got to make sure they are all kitted out with new schoolbags and pencil cases - you remember what it's like going back to school, you've got to have a new EVERYTHING!
David and myself attended a launch last week in Bel Air (very swish) for the launch of our latest fragrance Intimately Beckham ... I'm also just starting work on my new dVb denim collection - I'm really excited about starting the next project - it's going to be totally major so keep your eyes open for that.

I'm so totally dumber for having read that.

I didn't have to share that find but what good is pain if you can't share it?

McClaren: Top Formula One Team or Assclown Manager

I'll take B for 1000.

Steve McClaren shouldn't feel bad. It's not his fault that the FA couldn't choose a decent England manager if the lives of the English people depended on it. Someone as incompetent as him never should have been put in the position of managing a national team let alone a chip shop. Nothing says competence and skill like having a fan run on the field, tear his season ticket up and throw it at you.

McClaren banished David Beckham from the national squad only to have him inspire Real Madrid to a La Liga title and look like a world beater. He was forced to go crawling back and beg Beckham to rejoin the team. One would think he would have learned from that experience but...

Fast forward to Jamie Carragher. He's been left in the cold in favor of Ledley King and Wes Brown. One would be hard pressed to find a number of fans who would rate him below those two donkeys.

Carragher, rightfully sick over how he has been treated, declared he was finished with international football. A couple injuries later, McClown has been forced to drop to his knees and beg him to come back. He would be right to tell McClown where to stick it.

It's not all doom and gloom so buck up, England! Sol Campbell's getting a recall.

Toilet Seat Thieves Don't Cut It Anymore

Chelsea have reportedly landed Brazilian right back Daniel Alves from Sevilla for over £21.5m. He was held out of Sevilla's Champions League qualifier with AEK Athens yesterday so that he would not be cup-tied in case he made the move to Chelsea or another Champions League team like Real Madrid.

If the reports are true, Chelsea will have a world class right back and can banish toilet seat thief Glen Johnson to the salt mines for his shockingly awful play.

"You're just a fat Eddie Murphy" for Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink? Brilliant.

It's Worse Than Opening The Ark of the Covenant