Hacking David Ortiz' Email

The guys at Maxim.com created a nifty graphic of what it "Big Papi" David Ortiz' email inbox would possibly look like right now. I love the Amazon order of Tom Emanski's book. Classic.

From Maxim.com

A-Rod Gets Nothing And Probably Doesn't Like It

All-Star weekend can't end fast enough. I only made it until the 14th inning last night until I decided that sleep was more important and I realized that I didn't care who won. Nice to see Billy Wagner show consistency. Also good to see George Sherrill show up big for the O's though. Too bad the Yankees couldn't show up for A-Rod.

Page Six reports that none of A-Rod's Yankee teammates showed up for the party he was hosting at 40/40 on Monday night. Instead he was surrounded by Madonna's posse and a bunch of chickenhead groupies listening to Madonna songs. It turns out his teammates would rather hang out at home or with Mets than with him.

Sources tell the Post that A-Rod's obsession with manly women is becoming a distraction for the team.

"He's become a huge distraction with the Madonna fiasco," a source told Page Six. "It's always all about him."

Those chickenhead groupies and manly women must have warmed up at STK on Sunday. They took over the place en masse. I assume they were there waiting for Captain Morgan or the Chicago Blackhawks' Martin Havlat. Both were there in force. The former was also there in free liquid form.

The Deuce decided to make an appearance after an exhausting day at the free Breeders show in Brooklyn Sunday afternoon. The Breeders? Yes. Fat girls rocking hula hoops and string bikinis? No. Standing in the same place for five hours in the sun isn't the move either. However standing in the same place in air conditioning with an open bar is never a bad move. Famous last words.


The party itself was rather blah despite the best efforts of Captain Morgan to get the crowd hype. I just didn't believe he was that happy. I suspect he's really empty inside because he misses the sea and now has to shuck and jive for douchebags at the club. I think I'm mocking the Captain because I want to be Captain Morgan. I wanted to ask if I could sign up for duty but he was more interested in raising the roof and doing the running man.

The party was made slightly better by the David Ortiz making his run to the VIP and the efforts of girls to get past the rope man including one who tried to squeeze herself through a hole in a glass wall in an unsuccessful yet hilarious effort to get to Havlat. The number of athletes was probably equal to the number of Menounoses and Kieblers in the house.

The All-Star parade didn't get much better. Athletes waving from cars in 100 degree heat. I'd be more impressed if they rode on elephants and rhinos. Something to think about for next season.

Here are some parade shots taken of ex-players with mustaches by the Deuce's partner in crime who showed up strong All-Star Weekend.





Makes you wish you were getting swamp ass while watching the players roll by. Those of you interested in innuendo should know that Big Papi was still working Maria Menounos during the parade. Make of that what you will. Unfortunately their ride was too fast so you'll have to take our word for it.

Put Me In, Muthaf**ka

Aw I'm just playin' unless you don't put me in. If you no play me, I say fuck you, pop. I do it myself.

David Ortiz has a funny way of letting Terry Francona know he's wants back in the lineup. The DH was benched after going on an 0 for 17 streak. Instead of waiting until called, he decided to be pro-active and take matters into his own hands.

The text message began with "dad" or "pop," Terry Francona wasn't sure which. He thought it might have been from his 14-year-old daughter, but because the number was unfamiliar, he texted back and asked whose number it was.

"It's mine, [expletive]," came the reply, much to the consternation of the manager, who then called the number to see who had the nerve to address him that way.

"I was getting ticked," Francona said. "I was all mixed up. Because the last [message] said, 'Put me in, [expletive].' "

It turned out to be Ortiz instead of Francona's daughter. He was relieved that his daughter wasn't talking to him in that tone. "I didn't care if David gets hits or not, I won't have a 14-year-old talking like that to her dad."

There's no word on whether he went home and whupped his daughter just in case she thought about talking to him like that. "You didn't? Well that's one in the bank for you, missy!"

Space Sluts

Here we've got Brian Urlacher, Dwight Howard, Big Papi, 50 cent and Adrian Peterson gettin ready to walk on the moon or somethin. Actually this was taken at a photo shoot for Vitamin Water. Has the makings of a wonderful ad campaign there. They don't look foolish or anything. Money is worth it all fo' sho'. Cant wait to see the actual ad...no really

From Thisis50 via Drew Reports