Move over, David Falk. There's a new bred of prey coming over the horizon. It goes by the name of Scott Boras.
Mr. Tony should focus his disgust on Boras for attempting to further ruin America's former pastime.
Boras has
appointed himself to a one-man blue ribbon commission to save the game of baseball. He reported his findings in a letter to MLB Commissioner Bud Selig. The letter was delivered by client Rick Ankiel but it didn't get to Selig when expected as Ankiel delivered the letter two blocks away. Just a bit outside if you will.
Among his brilliant recommendations, Boras suggested making the World Series a best-of-nine series and playing the first two games over a weekend at a neutral site "to create an atmosphere similar to a Super Bowl". He didn't stop there. MLB should also use that weekend to hand out annual awards at an Oscar-like show.
"We have to have the stars of our game noticed," said Boras, who has sent a letter to commissioner Bud Selig about his idea. "To deliver the awards through a wire service, I've never understood that."
The Super Bowl is played at a predetermined neutral site and has become a magnet for business entertaining. "The key to this is the business dynamic," said Boras, 54. "We need to embrace corporate America."
Boras has a point. If there's one entity that professional sports has left out in the rain like a freezing, homeless child, it's corporate America. There, there. There, there. Why don't you come inside, dry off and we'll make you a hot cup of soup. Hey what's the knife about? For the love of chicken gravy, why are you stabbing me??
There's nothing America wants more than to hear players mumble their thanks into a mike or listen to some blowhard like Curt Schilling wax poetic about bloody ankles, Barry Bonds or how it's American to put Gold Bond on your balls during the summer. Then again I'd tune in to see Lastings Milledge read his lines off a teleprompter and
invite everyone to be his friend on MySpace. Maybe
Will the Thrill and Boogaloo Shrimp or
Zack Attack could enthrall us between presentations. It's a nice idea.
The Deuce is proud to introduce you to, Steely McBeam! Wait...Steely McBeam? That is bad, it sounds like the Simpsons made a joke of a mascot of them?! This is the worst name of a mascot I've heard since the Nationals used a character from Saved By The Bell as their mascot. I mean, not to pull a Seinfeld, but "who are the marketing geniuses who thought of this?" Oh, it was a fan contest, Diane Roles of Valencia, PA was a lady with an idea that captured the minds and hearts of the entire Steeler franchise...I could think of a few that might've worked a bit better and that might be more representative of the team & town:
Tubby McFat
