Make It Drizzle, Playboy

Fuck Christmas. This really is the most wonderful time of the year. NFL training camps open. The Premiership starts up again. Some athletes are in mid-season form and don't need training camps or preseason matches. Allow the Deuce to introduce you to Gary O'Connor of newly-promoted Premiership side Birmingham City.

O'Connor decided to kick off the new season by having a drunken orgy with four hookers and three of his boys. He and a friend picked up the ladies of the evening up for £1,000 in a Birmingham massage parlor and took them back to their hotel across town where it was on like Donkey Kong. Incidentally, the hotel room was booked in the name of a Spurs player who talked shit about Birmingham players after turning his back on a transfer to the Blues this summer.

"...The orgy turned ugly when £2.7million-rated O'Connor—whose pregnant fiancée Lisa is expecting their second child—pulled one of the vice girls by the hair and swore at her after she had stripped off ... The girls had intercourse and oral sex in the suite, on the bed and in the bathroom. Afterwards they returned to the club where they worked and complained to regulars about the way they were treated."

Eyewitnesses at the massage parlor had O'Connor acting like a drunken douchebag before the incident.

"He was so drunk he started giving it large, bragging about how he was this top footballer. But I think I was the only bloke in the place who had recognised him."

Orgies and roasting are so passé. How much longer until soccer players start making it rain? In the meantime, O'Connor would do best to remember these words. "My family mean everything to me and I will do all I can to make them happy. Family for me comes above all else."

It shouldn't be too hard to remember those words. He said them. Brilliant!