Best Names In Top 50 MLB Prospects

MLB.com just put out their top 50 prospects list and well collected it is.  I'm psyched the Nationals have 2 people on it, for realz son!  Whenever i look at lists of players like this though, i can't help but poke a little fun at some of this year's new crop of possible MLB superstars names.  Juvenile?  For sure.  Bad habit?  Yup.    Lets look at a few guys that should be the number one prospects in our hearts, if only from their names.

10. Madison Bumgarner - I envision this guy to look like on of the old guys from Trading Places. I know he PROBABLY doesn't. But it'd be great to have a kid coming up that looks like a 50 year old rich white man. Just with that name he could sit right beside Randolph and Mortimer with a cocktail in one hand and a cigar in another. "Looking good Madison!" "Feeling Good, Louis!"

11. Carlos Santana - His walking to the plate music has GOT to be "Oye Como Va" since it loosely translates to "Check this out", like "Check out this home run I'm about to blast". When he hits a home run, i will expect Karl Ravech to shout out "ABRAXIS!!" on Baseball Tonight, even though I haven't watched that show since the MLB Network came into existence. This kid has about a million nicknames built into his name being shared with the esteemed guitarist. Personally, I think he should be called "Jugando" after the track on Santana's album "Moonflower". Not only the final part to a badass 3 part medley, it also means "at play". Apropos no?

22. Starlin Castro - I've never been more divided about a name ever. Castro is always badass since he shares the last name with a ruthless dictator. On the other hand, Starlin is sort of a cross between a fish and a luminous ball of plasma. No idea how your parents think that is a good idea. Maybe its a family name. Or maybe they're just a fan of comic books.

30. Yonder Alonso - If ever a name cried out for a new version of the classic "Who's on First" sketch it could be Yonder.

"Who's Alonso?"
"Yonder"
"I didn't ask where, I asked who!"
"Who?"
"Alsono!"
"Yonder?"
"ARRRGH!"
/punch in face

39. Tanner Scheppers - What an odd name. It sort of sounds like an alcoholic beverage. I do not know why. Just odd. But I like it.

50. Jaff Decker - Jaff just sounds like a name out of Star Wars or something. Like Dack was or Wedge or Biggs...basically he sounds like an X-Wing pilot and that, in and of itself, is AWESOME.  He has a lot to live up to.

Ponch Needs To Slow His P*rn Roll

Erik Estrada is gonna have some splainin' to do. First he molested "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".



It's not the worst rendition of the song. Ozzy Osbourne and Denise Richards don't have to worry about anyone stealing their thunder or lack thereof. Estrada decided to make television viewers forget about his singing by throwing kiddie porn and Ron Jeremy in the mix.



The former actor and current deputy sheriff (Bedford County, VA) was talking about his policing and lobbying efforts against kiddie porn when he dropped this gem.

"I've seen my fair share of child pornography, and I want to do something about it."

He went on to discuss his police work, reality TV career and the virtues of Ron Jeremy who is apparently a certified special education teacher and talented musician in addition to being hung like a donkey. It was all Len Kasper and Bob Brenly could do to get back into the game.

I can't wait until Steve Pocaro of Toto sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" during the seventh inning stretch then tells Len and Bob that he's done some research and learned that the root chakra is his taint.

Erik Estrada Talks Child Porn With Len and Bob [Sports Pros(e)]

Dominus Ominus, The Cubs Still Suck

There's not much you can do when God hates your team. Cubs fans can sacrifice goats and chug enough Old Style to down a wildebeest but nothing is going to wash the stink off the team besides a World Series appearance. The team is so desperate for an end to the World Series curse that they've resorted to finding random holy men to bless the team.

The Cubs brought in a Greek Orthodox priest to bless the Wrigley Field home dugout before Game 1 of last year's Divisional Series. It didn't go so well and now the team is throwing the priest under the Popemobile (or whatever the Greek Orthodox equivalent is).

Rev. James L. Greanias, the Greek Orthodox priest brought in to Wrigley Field to remove a curse before Game 1 of last year's playoffs, has accused Cubs Chairman Crane Kenney of throwing him "under the bus" at last weekend's Cubs Convention.

When a fan asked about the ritual, Kenney took the blame, calling it "one of the dumbest things" he had done. Kenney said Greanias had initially approached him.

"An e-mail comes in, and this was a huge Cubs fan who wants to get tickets to the game and has a cell phone with a Cubs ring tone on it, and I said, 'Let him go,' " Kenney said.

Greanias disputes Kenney's account. He says the Cubs called him because they wanted a Greek Orthodox priest. The man who put the curse on the team in 1945, William Sianis, was Greek so they figured another Greek could remove the curse. That worked as well as the Cubs offense. Felix Pie and Ryan Dempster would like to thank the Greeks for playing and have some lovely parting gifts at the door.

The Cubs are going about this in the wrong way. If there's anyone who can break the curse, it's the voodoo guy who throws a Molotov cocktail in a car after saying "I want you to meet my sister, goddess of fire".



Screw blessing the dugout. Send Screwface after the competition. "Stop your blood clot crying! Everybody must dead. It's your turn!"

You Too Can Skate At Wrigley Field

I'm not much of an ice skater, the few times I have gone I've ended up on my ass more often than not, but this is just pretty cool. Wrigley Field is installing a hockey rink for the Winter Classic, a hockey game featuring the Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings on Jan. 1 and it is opening the rink up to the public to skate on January 4th for the low low price of $10.

The odds of ever getting to be on the field of Wrigley are pretty slim for normal joes and joettes, so this might just be the one chance people can have to get onto it, even if it is completely covered in ice. I am not even a Cubs fan but I would love to say that I fell and chipped a tooth on the field of Wrigley Field after faceplanting on the ice.

From Chicago Tribune

Stop The Presses! Celebrity Exaggerates About Sports Allegiance!

John Cusack might think he'd be better off dead after his last entry on The Huffington Post. He wrote about his childhood memories of going to Cubs games at Wrigley Field. You say how nice. Well they would be if they were true.

Page Six is all over Cusack as people have been coming out of the woodwork to point out the numerous inconsistencies and "mistruths" littering his post.

Wrigley Field and all-things-Cubs, when Jose Cardenal was the only player who could really play. When it was Mick Kelleher and Larry Biittner and George " the Baron" Mitterwald -- and Pete LaCock on first base and "Tarzan" Joe Wallis in centerfield. And Bruce Sutter with that unhittable split-fingered fastball... Ride the El up from Evanston, change on the Howard line and take the Express to Wrigley -- which I did as many times as I could scrape together $2.50 for a one-way kamikaze mission, and another $1.75 for bleacher seats, then steal hot dogs and Cokes from the vendors before taking the train home after the game...

Bloggers everywhere have gone to town on the post. He's so choked up over his childhood memories that he can't remember when players like Sammy Sosa played or how to spell their names. Someone from the Beechwood Reporter has no sympathy for the rich kid living on Sheridan Ave. in Evanston scraping together $1.75 from the money tree on his front lawn. Let's not even talk about getting Red Line service wrong.

Ah whatever. The point Cusack's trying to make is a good one and one that I happen to support. Chicago is a great sports town. However you should probably get your facts straight if you're going to put yourself out there. Legions of bloggers in their mom's basements have nothing better to do than rip you apart if you slip. Then again we also can't be too judgmental. He is writing from Bangkok. He's probably chock-a-block with ladyboy cock and busy betting on elephant polo. I'm surprised he had time to write even with Arianna on his ass.

Watch out, Chicago. The Riot says Ryan Dempster is going to be getting his improv on at Second City in the next couple of weeks. Keep an eye out and feel free to pass on any reports.

Forgiveness Please: The Alou-Bartman Story

Media outlets reported that Moises Alou forgave Steve Bartman for interfering in that fateful play during the 2003 NLCS. Of course, the Deuce was all over it like the best sports blogging team on the internet. We should just repeat that phrase in every post like a couple of insecure bloggers. Right, Wolf?

I was going to use a political analogy to describe the Alou-Bartman saga but I couldn't decide between Scott McClellan and Robert Byrd. It appears that Alou's advanced age and injuries have finally affected his mental, see. Either that or Alou was playing a cruel April Fool's joke on Bartman. It turns out that Alou now thinks he would have made that catch after all.

Joe Capozzi of the Palm Beach Post reports that Alou now says Bartman did prevent him from making that catch.

"I had it,'' Alou said Wednesday in the Mets' clubhouse. "I make that catch, (the playoffs would have been a) different story.''

In March, Associated Press columnist Jim Litke wrote that he ran into Alou last summer at a department store where the outfielder said he wouldn't have caught that famous foul that hit Bartman's hand in the eighth inning of Game 6, prolonging an inning in which the Marlins later rallied for the lead.

..."Everywhere I play, even now, people still yell, 'Bartman! Bartman!' I feel really bad," Alou, a Cubs left fielder in 2003, was quoted as saying. "You know what the funny thing is? I wouldn't have caught it anyway."

Wrong, Alou said Wednesday.

"I don't remember that,'' he said. "If I said that, I was probably joking to make (Bartman) feel better. But I don't remember saying that.''

Tony Tarasco feels your pain, Moises. Good thing Alou is on the permanent DL. He can nurse this hurt along with the physical ones.

Hory F**king Shirt

That's what we think they'd be saying if this was dubbed over in Engrish.



Deuce of Davenport. Where lazy racial stereotypes and Japanese TV come to life. Go Cubs?

Marty Brennaman Hates Cubs Fans

To say that Marty Brennaman doesn't like Chicago Cubs fans would be a bit of an understatement. Here's a video with the audio from the Chicago Tribune of Marty Brennaman taking Cubs fans to task for throwing like 20 balls onto the field after a huge Adam Dunn home run at Wrigley Field. I'm not exactly sure what bug crawled up Brennaman's rear during the game, but he is appalled by that...very much so...and he wants you listeners out there to know it. Some people have no sense of humor I guess?

Can't Truss It

It was a great time to be a baseball fan in Chicago during 2003 unless you were on the South Side. I remember following the Cubs trip to the playoffs with the excitement of someone who didn't have a vested interest besides wanting to see a Cubs-Red Sox World Series so the Cubs fans could finally get the monkey off their backs and Red Sox fans could come within touching distance of the prize before having it ripped away once again.

I was sitting in a Chicago bar with a friend watching Game 6 and everything was on track until the Bartman. At least that's what most people think. Everyone remembers some guy reaching out and interfering with Moises Alou as he tried to make a catch. The ball fell foul and the Cubs' dream of reaching the World Series immediately fell into the toilet. Everyone blames Steve Bartman for the Cubs losing that Series but most forget Alex Gonzalez committing a colossal fuckup error that led to eight runs instead of closing out the inning. It was also Game 6 but everyone including myself knew the Cubs weren't winning Game 7.

Five years later, Moises Alou has finally admitted that there was no way he would have caught that ball. Really, dude? It must have taken so much for you to come forward. Saying that earlier might have saved Bartman from the death threats and pariah status he still carries instead of saying that you hoped he didn't regret it the rest of his life. Shit, Salman Rushdie comes out in public and he has a fatwa against him. When was the last time anyone saw Bartman? He's become the chupacabra of Chicago.

FUK U DOME!!!

Sorry. I just wanted to get that out of the way before everyone piles on.

20,000 Soccer Fans Now Own Team

In a story we've been following here for awhile, the MyFootballClub.co.UK people have finally successfully purchased an English Premiership Football team. The site allowed soccer fans to pay £35 each for a share in a team to be purchased in the future. Yesterday it was announced that the group had purchased Ebbsfleet United PC, a Blue Square Premier team that is currently in 9th place and just 1 promotion away from reaching Football League for the first time in team history.

The new owners of the team have a 51% controlling stake and each member of MyFootballClub will vote on whom the team should buy to move the team forward in the future and other ownership matters.

Crazy what can happen when a group of fans get together to make a change in sport. The fans are the ones that really put the money in the player's pockets, it seems only fair that the fans should be able to make a decision as to how the team is run. These people took that idea and ran with it.

If only this could happen here in the States. Imagine if a group of NBA fans got together and pooled enough money to purchase the Seattle Supersonics to keep them in Seattle, or if a group of MLB fans pooled their resources to purchase the Chicago Cubs? How much better or worse could either one of those organizations be run? Certainly, neither could be run as poorly as they are now.

Here's to hoping one day, us fans in the United States wise up and realize that we can do something like this and keep teams out of the hands of the Dan Snyders of the world. Individually we are weak, together, we are strong...or something like that.

From BBC Sport

Its Friday Lets All Do Drugs!

Man, what a day for druggies huh? Shall we do a quick round-up?

1) Travis Henry reportedly has tested positive for marijuana. Seriously, is this a surprise? Sure he's the leading rusher in the league right now, but he has been traveling the Ricky Williams path to smokin' your way out of the league for awhile. It was only a matter of time that Mike Shanahan found a way to kick him aside for Selvin Young anyway (with his gaudy 9.2 ypc average)...now he has a reason.

2) Marion Jones admits to using steroids in letter to friends and family. She says she used the drug while she prepared for the 2000 Summer Games in Sydney and is now going to plead guilty New York to two counts of lying to federal agents about using the "cream" and the "clear". This is about the definition of anticlimax really, we all figured she did it, the evidence was kinda stacked against her. At least its out now and her medals will probably be stripped. Sucks to be a cheating drug user, huh?

3) Tim Couch suspended for drug use and he isn't even in the league! Ok...this came out Wednesday, but we didn't post about it. Look what drugs can do to you kids! DON'T BE TIM COUCH! DON'T DO DRUGS! Wait...drugs can give you millions of dollars and a smoking hot wife. DO DRUGS! DO THEM!!!!

4) Cubs lost again and are now down 2-0! Everyone in Chi-town was drinkin the magic kool-aide, thinking maybe, just maybe THIS COULD BE THE YEAR! I mean the Bosox did it, the Chisox did it, surely they could do it. Nope, that is wearing off. Your team sucks and always has. Instead of moping around, how about you do some drugs like the above people? I mean, it made them happy for awhile at least.

5) Just to make this list an even five (which doesn't exist but 5 is a good list ending point)...Lorena Ochoa is trying to become the first golfer in LPGA Tour history to surpass the $3 million mark in earnings in a single season. Ochoa is #1 on the LPGA money list with $2,966,454 and she is currently playing at the $1.1 million Longs Drugs Challenge. Drugs see? Get the connection? LONGS DRUGS!

Somewhere Bud Selig is Smiling Big

Bud Selig must be smiling like a Cheshire cat right now. For the first time in MLB television history, 5 of the top 7 media markets have teams playing in the World Series.

With New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Philadelphia and Boston taking part along with Cleveland (the 14th largest U.S. market), Phoenix (16) and Denver (18), the outlook is bright for television networks.

With this in mind, no wonder ESPN has been so stingy with the TBS name dropping this past week. Sure we know they're pissed they didn't get the rights and couldn't get in on the all-star game, but they had no idea that they would be getting no slice of this possibly monumentally gigantic pie. That's gotta burn them twice as much.

"This postseason, with the teams involved we have, is an absolute dream for a network."
Turner Sports President David Levy told USA Today.

Damn right it is a dream...except for ESPN. The worst thing that can happen now for everyone not the WWL is that the Rockies play the Indians for the championship...and hell hasn't frozen over yet so I think they're pretty safe. Is it cold in here?

From Conde Nast Portfolio.com
Thanks to our friends at Awful Announcing for the hella good blogging

Carlito's Way

Happy birthday, Carlos! Seven runs on 13 hits by the end of the fifth and a dugout brawl. I wonder what he's going to do for Venezuelan Independence Day.

Here's the video including the leadup to the fight.



Barrett and Zambrano decided to settle it in the clubhouse like Apollo and Rocky at the end of Rocky III. Barrett ended up in the hospital with two black eyes, a busted lip and a couple stitches. Pain!

I wonder if Lou wishes he stayed in Tampa. He could be chillin' on a fishing boat or managing the D-Rays. The Cubs may be full of it but them fish ain't even bullshittin', dawg.