The Official Cricketer of The Deuce

It's been a while since we had a cricket post here at the Deuce, but with today being the opening match of the new Indian Premier League -- and as such, the world debut of big-money, franchise cricket (just a century or so behind every other major world team sport) -- we figured that it was time to bring you the latest on the greatest game that no one in America remotely understands.

We thought that a discourse about what the IPL means to the future of world cricket might be in order, or perhaps an essay on whether the big money and mercenary values of franchise Twenty20 can co-exist in the long run with Test and other multi-day versions of the sport. We considered publishing these even though we knew that they'd bore you to tears. Because someday, you're gonna care about cricket. But then, browsing the rosters of the new, ludicrously-named IPL squads (Chennai Super Kings? Kolkata Knight Riders?) we made a discovery.

The Deuce is proud to name its first Official Deuce Player in any sport: Napoleon Einstein, of the aforementioned Super Kings.

How can you not elevate to Official Player status a young man whose name sounds suspiciously like one of the names considered by Homer Simpson before he rechristened himself Max Power? In a week that saw Miggy Tejada admit that he's actually 53, how can you not establish as your Blog Icon a top-tier professional athlete who claims to be nearly 19, but clearly is a prepubescent 12 year old? Napoleon Einstein is a man(child) who actually claims to be older than he really is. That's a true phenom -- he levels the playing field by hiding his precociousness. The fact that he's an all-rounder is the icing on the cake.

But what we love best about Napoleon is the diffidence with which everyone treats his name. Does his Cricinfo page make any note of the fact that, you know, his name is Napoleon Fucking Einstein? No. Does his official team bio? Nope. They focus on his devotion to the game, and the fact that he just sprouted his first pube made the recent world champion Indian U-19 squad. That's badass. Try finding an article about God Shammgodd -- much less an official bio -- that doesn't focus on his moniker. Napoleon doesn't need the superficial hype. He lets his bat and his spin do the talking for him.

But we'll hype him anyway. Here's to you, Napoleon Einstein. We love you.