What Would Max Mosley Do?

Good thing F1 boss and sexual holocauster Max Mosley doesn't own Chelsea. He would most certainly deal with defender Tal Ben Haim in a harsh manner.

Ben Haim put keeper Petr Cech out for the season after running into Cech's face with his cleats during training on Sunday. The cleats caused a laceration straight to Cech's jawbone. He received "30 stitches sewn in the deepest area of the wound that stretches from his bottom lip to his chin, a further 20 on the outside of his face and also required plastic surgery 'for aesthetic reasons'.

The collision was an accident but nonetheless puts Chelsea in the position of having one legitimate keeper coming into the Premiership and CL homestretches. All we need is for something to happen to backup keeper Carlo Cudicini and we could have a repeat of last season. If Ben Haim insists on being slow and useless, the least he could do is not injure his own teammates.

Speaking of Herr Mosley, his weak pleas that his Nazi orgy had nothing to do with Nazis have been bukkaked back in his face. Wunderbar! One of the hookers who participated in the orgy reported by News of the World claims that he ordered the Nazi orgy by name. "Max KNEW last week's orgy was to have a Nazi theme—he ORDERED it!"

"We were only following orders," said [News of the World's] informant, who does not wish to be identified. but admits she was one of five prostitutes who turned up at Mosley's Chelsea dungeon at 11.30am on Friday, March 28.

"Max told Mistress Switch that he wanted a German dominatrix and she got one—Mistress Zena. She's German and wore a German military uniform. Then Mistress Abi was booked and had to be in German uniform, too—a German Luftwaffe tunic. All the outfits come from army surplus stores.

..."And I was told to expect a very strong Nazi theme, including demeaning body inspections, brutality and that two submissive girls, called Leah and JD, must play the parts of camp inmates.

One has to appreciate that the ho used the Nuremberg defense. Daniel Day-Lewis would be proud. Never break character.

It's easy to see why one would mistake the events that took place for a Nazi-themed orgy. Apologies due to Herr Mosley. His papers seem to be in order.