Any Day's Alright For Fighting On Convict Island

Poor Simon Cowley. He has a name similar to Simon Cowell and he was beat up by a swimmer. Maybe it's something about being on an island but it doesn't take much to set off the Aussies or English.

Australian swimmer Nick D'Arcy is looking at a possible 10 years in jail for decking fellow swimmer Crowley after being told to stop bragging. Isn't the whole country a jail? If so, isn't he already in jail? Maybe it's an existential jail.

D'Arcy was out celebrating on Monday morning after finding out he was chosen for this summer's Australian Olympic squad. Cowley and his training partner met D'Arcy after throwing down with The Thorpedo.

"Everyone was in great spirits but D'Arcy was creating problems before the incident took place," a source said. "He was acting like a goose and mouthing off, and it was becoming a bit full-on."

It is understood Thorpe left the bar about 12.30am but Cowley, Sullivan and D'Arcy decided to stay on.

"It would be fair to say Nick was going down hill and was mouthing off at a few people and just being a smart a*** basically," a witness said.

It is claimed Cowley told D'Arcy to tone down his behaviour and gave him a gentle slap on his face. It was claimed D'Arcy struck back with his elbow, leaving Cowley bleeding on the floor.

D'Arcy put Cowley in the hospital with multiple facial fractures. Keep in mind D'Arcy did this with one hit and after 12 beers.

[Cowley's] father Peter said Cowley faced a long recovery. "He has a broken nose, the top part of his jaw is broken and pushed back, on one side his cheekbone is crushed, and on the other there's a fracture up towards his eye socket," Mr Cowley said. "He will have some plates put into his face in an operation later this week."

D'Arcy's in all kinds of trouble. Besides the legal problems, officials are saying that he will probably be excluded from the Olympic team this summer. His mom says he feels really bad about it and hasn't been eating since yesterday. Cowell is preparing for "major surgery" on Thursday and faces the prospect of losing his teeth. Balance is restored. Yin and yang.

Meanwhile, a woman got her arse handed to her in a sack while watching a rugby match in Tasmania on Saturday. Who knows what's gotten into people down under. We're guessing sweet, sweet beer and koala steaks. Mmmm koala on a stick...