Monday, June 18, 2007

Why I Cry

Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence

You are not alone, Reh Dogg. The Oakland Raiders and Jeff Garcia are here with you.

The Oakland Raiders are all about commitment to excellence. So much so that they bitched and moaned about the intensity of their offseason workouts and got the NFLPA to take a break from kicking old players in the head in order to stop their "voluntary" workouts.

Raiders coach Lane Kiffin responded as one might imagine,
"I was notified that the players' union believes our total commitment to improving our football team has resulted in some violations of rules regarding practice standards."
You silly man. Don't you know you coach the Raiders? The only thing resembling commitment on that side of the bay is wherever the word commitment is painted in the stadium and Baron Davis' beard. Is the Raiders job similar to being beaten by a dominatrix who doesn't understand your safety word for 14-16 hours a day?


Why Does It Hurt So Bad?


Jeff Garcia's been watching too much Waiting To Exhale. Why else would he feel so bad?
"I think there was a lot of anger within myself ...Here was finally a situation where I felt so comfortable and I felt like I had a good home and a good place, and I wanted to be able to experience more of that and, hopefully, not have to relocate all over again. That opportunity wasn't presented to me ... I felt personally snubbed."
Let go like Toni Braxton. It ain't worth it.

What? Oh I looked up songs from the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack. It's not like I own it. What are you looking at? Oh fuck you, fine! I own it! You happy now? I'm still a man. Please believe me! You know what? Screw you guys. Where's my International Coffee and "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret"? I'm going to my book club.

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