And You Thought Your Girlfriend's Gift Sucked

Talk to former St. George rugby player Meli Allen. He ended up in court pleading guilty to a charge of assault occasioning actual bodily harm (as opposed to theoretical).

Imagine you just lost your job. You're depressed so you go home to your girlfriend who buys you a present to make you feel better. Tickets to Vegas? Nah. Tickets to a football game? Nope. A purple cashmere sweater? Holla.

Allen admitted punching Ryan Phillpot, 19, once on the nose on November 25, 2006 in Bridge Street, Sydney.

In sentencing Allen in the Downing Centre Local Court today, Magistrate Julie Huber was told the victim's friends had yelled "You poof, you fucking fag," at Allen after seeing him in the jumper.

Allen approached the men, asking, "What's your problem?".

When they repeated their jibes, he threw a punch at Mr Phillpot.

In a move guaranteed to create harmony at home, Allen's lawyer claimed that he "reluctantly wore the sweater so as not to offend her".

Talk about going from bad to worse. No job. A pissed off, embarrassed girlfriend. Criminal charges. Who knew sweaters could cause so much trouble? Maybe it's not Cosby's fault he fed roofies to girls. Stupid sweater.

The situation probably makes Allen wish he lived in the township of Hinton. Isolated by floodwaters but supplied by beer.

SES Spokesman Phil Campbell says they are being re-supplied, and today there was a special beer run.

"When we had some room in the boat we could take a few kegs of beer across to the Hinton pub, because of course State of Origin is on tonight, and it's important that we let communities function as normally as possible."

Maybe he can paddle his way up the riveridoo and get away until the lady calms down...or buys him a sequin-covered ruffle shirt and indirectly causes a blood bath.