Wayne Rooney's Cougar

If I wanted to watch shit like this, I could have gone to Sunderland.

I don't know about you but I think Thierry's aging pretty fast and morphing into Russell Simmons.

Welcome back to the soccer/football roundup. It's supposed to be a regular feature on the Deuce but I forgot about my lazy. I'm about as committed to excellence as the Raiders. Instead I promise you the same title so that you'll always recognize it whenever it shows up. Let's kick it off with Wazza.

You Gotta Eat Lightning and Crap Thunder

Alternatively you can eat sky blue and crap red. Ricky Hatton fans who support Manchester City are up in arms over Hatton's plans to have his boy Wayne Rooney carry one of his championship belts into the ring in Vegas when he takes on Jose Luis Castillo.

Some fans with tickets are threatening to boycott the fight if Rooney appears in the ring. It would be one thing if Joey Barton were still around but City fans are showing the smarts that have taken them to the heights of the bottom half of the table. Yeah that's it. I'll buy a plane ticket to Vegas and a ticket to the fight but I'll say eff it if Rooney shows up. I bet the Gallagher brothers are involved in this scheme.

Rio Ferdinand, Wes Brown, Joe Cole, Jamie Carragher, Shawn Wright-Phillips and David Dunn are expected to watch the fight in person. Our money's on Rio making it rain at some point this weekend.

Bobby Zamora Drinks Lead Paint


What other explanation could there be for Zamora pretending a friend was driving his car in order to avoid getting a speeding ticket when camera footage showed he was the one driving? He was arrested and freed on bail on suspicion of perverting the course of justice. Kind of like when Ric Ocasek married Paulina Porizkova. Hey oh! Zing!

Jose Don't Like The Africans So Much


Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho says he's finished signing African players.

"African players are excellent technically and are natural fighters but when you have a lot of them you have to say stop, no more.

"Losing them can kill your team at a crucial time. If someone asks me do I want more African players, I'd say no."

That ain't even right, Jose. Letting a tournament come between you and some Africans.