Mutu's Drug Mule

As the football season winds down in Europe, we wonder what we're going to do during the offseason besides join in the absurd rumormongering that goes on in the European press. You can expect nothing less from us. Here's hoping that overpaid, under-educated footballers will get themselves in stupid, embarrassing situations for our amusement.

Get Out Of My Belly

It looks like the pressure's getting to Fat Freddy Shepherd. Every good thing that happens to Newcastle seems to be followed by a corresponding cockpunch and twist. Every big name signing seems to drop as though Screwface put some bad mojo on them. The casualty list topped by Obafemi Martins, Michael Owen, Damien Duff and Scott Parker is rather impressive.

Shepherd met with former Bolton manager Big Sam Allardyce at Claridge's in London yesterday. Allegedly an offer to manage Newcastle was made and accepted with some details yet to be worked out. Both sides agreed that they were close to an agreement that would have Big Sam take over the "big club" otherwise known as Newcastle United.

Once Shepherd has his man, he can return his focus to Owen who has a £9million buyout clause in his contract. It's rumored that he wants a return to Liverpool which he left to win silverware. he hasn't won anything while Liverpool has won the Champions League and FA Cup. Shepherd isn't too pleased about this especially as the club has stood by him through all his injury problems.



If you didn't hear Shepherd's response, he said, "I'll fucking carry him back for you...for £9million". Solid Freddy solid. Good to see he has a sense of humor about the situation.

Thanks to Who Ate All The Pies for pointing us to the video.

Chelsea Institute Affirmative Action Plan


Noting the lack of redheads on Jose Mourinho's squad, Chelsea is close to signing Reading midfielder Steve Sidwell. Sidwell is scheduled to undergo a medical on Monday at Stamford Bridge and is being held out of Reading's final match against Blackburn tomorrow.

Oh, the back tattoo. Yeah...those are his wedding vows. Steve O's tattoo puts this soft ass shit to shame.

United Shame English Football With Weak Celebration


By the hammer of Thor, has football come to this? Gazza's liver must be turning in his torso.

Manchester United players celebrated their one-year Premiership trophy loan deal by going out on the town and running up a bar tab of....wait for it...£8,500. Most of it went towards Cristal.

Some players carried on the party at striker Wayne Rooney's mansion in Prestbury, Cheshire.

A source said: “The lads had a great time - and even let some of the local girls join the party and enjoy the champers."

Champers?? What the fuck? Then again, they do carry manbags. No debauchery? No fights? No making it rain?

Maybe they took it easy because they didn't want to get whiskey dick before roasting the over-50 local girls Rooney invited back to his crib.

Vegas Baby


Telly Savalas will rise from his grave if the MLS follows through and finally does the right thing.

The Las Vegas Sun reports that the Las Vegas Sports and Entertainment Group is trying to bring an MLS franchise to Vegas by 2010. The group "hopes to build a high-tech, state-of-the-art stadium with a retractable roof that will be linked with a casino."

The group would ask for no public financing and the stadium would be available for other uses besides soccer.

There's no team name but the name "Silver Spurs" is being tossed around like a dwarf. No team should have anything in common with Tottenham Hotspur. The Deuce suggests the name Hustlers. It works on so many (two) levels.

By the way, does anyone know where we can find Player's Club cards? We've looked everywhere.