Pacman Jones finally learned his lesson. Nothing says "I is sorry" like a full page newspaper ad.
Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't accept that individual, one-step bullshit. What Pacman needs is a support group. Nothing makes one think they're not that bad as a group of allies.
Pacman, meet Joey Barton of Manchester City FC.
Barton was banned for the rest of the Premiership season by Man City for beating fellow City player Ousmane Dabo "into Elephant Man". He knocked Dabo unconscious and continued to beat him like Marvis Frazier.
You might think this penalty is a bit harsh or Goodell-like but this wasn't Barton's first offense.
2004: February - Sent off after half-time in an FA Cup tie at Tottenham with his team 3-0 down. City go on to win 4-3.
April - Stormed out of Eastlands before kick-off after being axed from the side to face Southampton.
July - Blasted by manager Kevin Keegan for causing a mass brawl in pre-season friendly at Doncaster.
December - Stubbed a lit cigar into the eye of young team-mate Jamie Tandy during club's Christmas party. Fined six weeks' wages by City. Forced to pay four weeks' salary - approximately £60,000 - immediately, with a further two weeks suspended for a year.
2005: May - Barton breaks leg of 35-year-old pedestrian while driving his car at 2am in Liverpool city centre.
July 22 - Involved in an altercation with a 15-year-old Everton fan at City's team hotel in Bangkok, where the team are playing in the FA Premier League Trophy.
July 27 - Fined eight weeks' wages by City after being found guilty of gross misconduct in the Bangkok incident. Accepts punishment and agrees to undertake a programme of rehabilitation.
2006: January 30 - Hands in a transfer request, which is instantly rejected by City.
September 30 - Drops his shorts in the direction of Everton fans following City's 1-1 draw at Goodison Park. Merseyside Police and the FA later confirm they are liaising in their investigation into the matter.
October 5 - Charged with improper conduct and/or bringing the game into disrepute by the Football Association.
October 9 - Admits charge.
October 10 - Fined £2,000 and warned as to his future conduct by the FA.
2007: February 21: Cleared of making obscene gestures towards Portsmouth fans due to insufficient evidence.
March 13: Arrested on suspicion of assault and criminal damage in an incident involving a taxi driver. Bailed until May pending further inquiries.
April 21: Barton says City fans are "not getting value for money" when watching the club at Eastlands and said the club had not signed quality players.
April 26: City opt not to punish Barton for his comments.
May 1: Barton suspended by City for the rest of the season after what is thought to be a training ground altercation with Ousmane Dabo.
Instead of pulling a Rae Carruth and hiding in his trunk, Barton is allegedly hiding out in the Algarve and probably searching for his next victim. Hopefully it's a certain Manchester United player who loves manbags. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. His brother is in jail for 17 years for a racist murder on the level of Emmitt Till and James Byrd Jr.
Instead of pulling a Rae Carruth and hiding in his trunk, Barton is allegedly hiding out in the Algarve and probably searching for his next victim. Hopefully it's a certain Manchester United player who loves manbags.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. His brother is in jail for 17 years for a racist murder on the level of Emmitt Till and James Byrd Jr.
Photo courtesy of Footballers Are Idiots.