Ozzie Guillen Will Send Himself Into Exile If The White Sox Don't Make The Playoffs

It's unbelievable that Ozzie Guillen would come this far only to let evil win now. Of course, we're talking about the evil that is Jay Mariotti. The terrorists will win if Guillen follows through on his threat to leave town.

Guillen will exile himself from Bartertown otherwise known as Chicago if the White Sox don't make the playoffs.

"If we lose this thing, I'm going to ask [Chairman] Jerry Reinsdorf to give me the private plane," Guillen said Saturday.

"I don't have the guts to look at the people's faces in O'Hare Airport or Midway after this season.

"Then I won't have to see anyone in the airport and feel embarrassed or disappointed. I can get to Miami, where nobody really knows the White Sox. I will be embarrassed and I will be disappointed about seeing the people in the airport, seeing their faces, because we let them down."

Miami really is the equivalent to the gulag or desert wasteland when it comes to sports. Maybe Ozzie was thinking of Cuba Jr. when he smashed pictures in his office after Friday's loss. Carlos Quentin decided he wanted to smash too. Too bad he ended his season prematurely when he broke his wrist after "accidentally slamming his right wrist on the top of his bat after fouling off a pitch".

Ozzie also discussed White Sox fans showing their displeasure on Friday and Saturday by booing the team.

"Sometimes when I hear those things I say, 'I wish [I was] in Caracas (Venezuela) right now,' because then my boys would be right behind [me]. But I don't blame them.

Maybe he should bring his boys to Chicago. If anyone gives him shit in O'Hare or Midway, his boys could get all Chavista and beat that ass like James Joyce on a red-headed stepchild.**


**Do people even saying that anymore? What's so bad about a red-headed stepchild? I could understand if it was that annoying red-headed kid from Diff'rent Strokes. Mr. Horton should have molested him instead of Dudley. I'm such a poser for mentioning Joyce on a sports blog. I'll donkey punch myself to make up for it.