You Can Find Him In Da Club, Bottle Full Of Bub, Mama, Mike Ashley's Got What You Need

And so continues the shit show that is Newcastle United. In one week, owner Mike Ashley managed to lose manager and club legend Kevin "King Kev" Keegan and turn the entire fan base against him. There's nothing worse than having legions of pasty, shirtless, middle aged men turn against you. Well they could also be illiterate and end up "boycoutting" the club. You would think that Ashley would be spending his time getting the club's affairs in order but don't forget that we are talking about an owner and a club that embraces mediocrity and delusions of grandeur.

While the club and Keegan fought over whether he resigned or was canned, Ashley took off in a private jet and went on a $216, 000 bender at Pink Elephant in New York.

[Ashley] and three other men, including one man named only as PK, downed an amazing 175 bottles of Cristal Champagne — the club’s entire stock.

They also necked 16 bottles of Dom Perignon, 29 of PJ Fleur Rose and three of Grey Goose Vodka.

Onlookers in the club on Wednesday night said Ashley was “slaughtered” and soaked from head to foot in Champagne as he sprayed £450 bottles of Cristal over his pals and handed out drinks and bottles to scantily-clad girls — getting some to pour booze into his mouth.

The mammoth bar bill included a £30,000 tip to waitresses and a four-figure tip to security. Ashley started off by ordering ten bottles of Cristal. But as the booze flowed he ordered 100 More — at a cost of nearly £43,000.

One onlooker at the run-down looking club said: “Ashley was slaughtered — soaked from head to foot in Champagne and slurring his words.

“He kept spraying Champagne over himself and his friends, and he kept ordering more and more bottles of Cristal — handing them out randomly to his friends, girls standing nearby and nearby tables.

He ended up “staggering out with his arms around two much younger, pretty girls.”

Nothing says all is well like making it rain with champagne. It's only a matter of time until we hear about a sex boat in the North Sea. If Daunte Culpepper was smart, he'd take the sex boat business abroad and make some ends since he's giving up on football.


Photo courtesy of The Sun