Are You Ready For Some Hookers?

Purple Jesus, please rip Hank Williams Jr.'s throat out Roadhouse/Rambo style so we'll never have to hear him do that song live. I'll take care of the recordings.

Hopefully Arizona's also ready for the clap because prostitutes from all over the country are about to descend on Arizona like locusts on African crops. Pimps and hoes are loading up the limos and speeding towards the Phoenix metro area as fast as they can load up the Cadillac Broughams.

The Phoenix area, which already is known among hookers as a lucrative stop in the winter because of the snowbirds, is expected to be irresistible to sex workers this year.

The Fiesta Bowl already brought thousands of football fans to the region at the beginning of January. And the Super Bowl was preceded by the Barrett Jackson car show and will be played on the final day of the FBR Open golf tournament, both major draws for wealthy, vacationing men.

"It's a big deal this year," said Tammy Marie Pagel, a 31-year-old local hooker who was recently jailed in Phoenix but was scheduled to be released the week before the Super Bowl.

It's Christmas in February. Screw April and fixing houses. It's about circuit girls building up an immunity to penicillin.

Phoenix police plan to be on the lookout for circuit girls, their pimps as well as their customers although they'll be more concerned with security issues. However they're still unclear as to what they'll do if they encounter Tara Reid, Paris Hilton, Lil' Kim or any number of video hoes. Prostitutes usually get between 15 to 180 days in Phoenix depending on the number of violations so it's probably best to err on the side of caution. At least "customers" can have time to get tested, stuck and/or quarantined.

Then again , the police should also be careful as pimps won't take too kindly to an interruption of they interstate commerces as protected under the commerces cause. If the police know what's good for them, they'll move and let the pimps pass before they have to be pullin' some pimp Hush Puppies out of their muthafuckin' ass. After all, it's principalities in there.