Wayne Rooney's Cougar Vol. II

We got more soccer news than you can shake a stick at so youse get another wrap-up. Oh happy day.

Bring Me The Head Of Gérard Depardieu

It never gets old. What's that you ask? France losing. That's money. France losing to Scotland twice. Priceless.



Scotland should demand the head of Nicholas Sarkozy, Bernard-Henri Lévy or Gérard Depardieu. At the least they should be awarded part of Alsace-Lorraine or at least a city like Toulouse or Nice. Imagine Nice being overrun by a bunch of pale, drunken Scots with beer gunts wanting to deep fry everything in sight. Let's see Puffy try to keep them out of his White Party or off his rental yacht.

Video courtesy of RD

I See Rome, I see France, I see some Danes in....Goddamn Look At Them Titties!


Those Chinese will sure go to any end to make a buck or win. Whether it's counterfeiting goods, leadin' up your toys or stealing plays, they'll make sure they win at any cost. Just ask the Danes.

The Danish World Cup women's team have asked FIFA to investigate after some Chinese men were discovered filming a strategy session behind a mirror at their hotel in China. Men were also found to be taping a closed practice session two days later. Their first match was against China but I'm sure this is a coincidence. One big misunderstanding if you will.

There's been no word on whether Bill Belichick lent his spying services to the Chinese. I'm guessing yes because they were so easy to find.

Oh yeah China won 3-2. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Second-rate Fight in First Class

Northern Ireland! You've just lost to Iceland and Latvia in little over a week. What are you going to do now? Turn on each other and fight on a plane? Well played.

NI winger Keith Gillespie attacked teammate George McCartney on a flight home from Iceland where they were defeated after Gillespie scored an own goal.

The winger rained punches on left back McCartney in front of shocked fellow passengers on the team's flight back from their Euro 2008 defeat in Iceland ... West Ham defender McCartney leapt from his seat to fight back as stunned team-mates struggled to separate the brawling pair.

One eyewitness to the Sheffield United winger's furious attack said: "Gillespie looked like he hadn't slept — he was red-eyed and carrying a bottle of water, but he was chatting quietly with David Healy as they got on the plane.

"Then, as he passed McCartney's row on his way up the aisle, he said something and pointed in an accusing way towards McCartney, who was already seated minding his own business.

"McCartney said something like 'Don't point your finger at me' while Healy was doing his best to hurry Gillespie, who was almost past McCartney but suddenly becoming quite agitated.

"Then it all kicked off. Gillespie turned and thumped McCartney in the face. He got straight up from his seat and they were grappling and throwing punches with Healy and Stuart Elliott trying to part them.

"It didn't last that long and Healy was hustling Gillespie away up the aisle towards his own seat by the time that (assistant manager) Glynn Snodin came rushing down to see what all the commotion was.

Gillespie was dropped by former Newcastle striker Alan Shearer outside of a bar in Dublin. Maybe he figured he would get the jump this time. That's when you kick some back.


Fergie Update!!

We first reported about a drunk who attacked Sir Alex Ferguson earlier this week. At the time, reports claimed that the man, Kevin Reynolds, kicked Fergie in the shins. Oh it's much better than that.

Reynolds, after pounding lager and vodka, approached Fergie and punched him in the balls.

Fergie asked Reynolds what he was doing. He replied, "I’m sorry Fergie. I did not know it was you."

Then Reynolds started chanting, "Fergie, Fergie, shut your mouth!"

A police officer came to Fergie's aid but Reynolds gave him a Glasgow kiss.

No word on whether Arsene Wenger has been questioned in relation to this attack.