Wayne Rooney's Cougar

The US looks just swell in the under-20 World Cup. Freddy Adu looks like a world beater (sort of) and we have our own off-brand Zizou called Zizzo. I've probably jinxed them for today's game.

You're getting a reduced roundup this week because I have no time and I'm not going to start with all the rumors ... unless we're talking about Super Frank getting nice in Vegas. If there's anything to be learned from the world of soccer this week, it's that quitting because you're not getting picked for the team is not quitting.

All Hail Lord Beckham


Enough with the sexually suggestive dancing! Bring me my ranch dressing hose!

The Galaxy are bending over (not sure which way) to make David Beckham's debut one for the ages. In addition to charging up to $500 for field-side tickets to Beckham's debut against Chelsea on the 21st, they've made renovations to the Home Depot Center such as putting an invitation-only club called The Underground under the stadium. It's surprising that they didn't go with Galaxy After Dark.

It gets much better.

...Travel plans have a smartly attired Galaxy squad clad in matching suits, with players rotating to fly first class next to David Beckham for the sake of team unity.

Instead of a ranch dressing hose, Beckham will demand service from Landon Donovan every hour on the 8's like The Weather Channel. Nothing brings a team together like having the star player fly first class while the rest of the team rides bitch.

Apparently Alexi Lalas thinks he can fool Goldenballs into thinking the Galaxy are on the same level as Real Madrid. Wait until they travel to Kansas City to play the Wizards on a Chinatown bus.

This setup is a sham just like the time when the Budweiser truck pulled up to the building during the first week of law school and lulled us into thinking everything was going to be great in spite of what everyone told us. The truck never showed up again and our asses started hurting for some unknown reason.

The Deuce expects the douche factor to be through the roof on the 21st. In spite of that, I'm hitting the road next week and heading out to LA where I'll have a report from the match as well as from the rest of Chelsea's tour.

The Cop-Out

Here's another old video of an athlete showing some skills on the mic. Your favorite praying mantis and mine, Liverpool's Peter Crouch.