OJ and Evander To Open Detective Agency

Opening still available for white helicopter pilot who is comfortable wearing neckerchiefs and mesh shirts while maintaining his heterosexuality. Inquiries: idoneit@webefindinthings.com

While the search for Nicole's killer is a long-term project, the search to find out who set up Evander is a much shorter undertaking. Evander has decided to take it on himself to find out who linked his name with Applied Pharmacy in Alabama. Applied Pharmacy is part of a larger investigation into an internet steroid distribution ring.

“While I'm fairly certain I know how my name came up, I don't want to say anything more until I have all the facts, which I hope is just a matter of a few weeks,” Holyfield said in a statement. “At that time I'll release everything I know, no holds barred, and will be more than happy to respond to questions.”

Evander intends to conduct an inquiry to get all the facts so that means we'll have a bit of detective work combined with a Congressional-style hearing. The hearing should be fanfuckintastic if it mirrors the Sports Illustrated investigation.

...A patient by the name of "Evan Fields" caught investigators' attention. "Fields" shares the same birth date as Holyfield -- Oct. 19, 1962. The listed address for "Fields" was 794 Evander, Fairfield, Ga. 30213. Holyfield has a very similar address. When we called the phone number that, according to the documents, was associated with the "Fields" prescription, Holyfield answered.

We can't wait until he calls himself as a witness.

Evander: Please state yo' name for the record.
Evander: Evanda...I mean, wait, no Evanda...hol' up...Evan Fields.
Evander: When were you born?
Evander: October 19, 1962
Evander: That's when I was born too!
Evander: What's your address?
Evander: 794 Evander, Fairfield, Ga. 30213.
Evander: That's mah address too! I knew I seen you before! I seen you when I wake up and go to tha bafroom!"

Hopefully Evander will call a press conference to announce his findings.

"After lookin' into stuff and things, I found out that I didn't do nuthin'. Evan Fields proves that Evanda Holyfield is innocent. Now if you'll excuse me, I gots to go back to training myself for more brain damage...Waffles please."