South African President Jacob Zuma Salutes John Terry's Vigor

British tabloids are bloody outraged over John Terry's alleged affair with former Chelsea and current England teammate Wayne Bridge's ex-girlfriend, Vanessa Perroncel. Commentators are screaming for his head like al-Shabab. They want him removed as England captain yesterday. What's England manager Fabio Capello to do?

Terry is accused of giving the Double D to Perroncel not soon after they broke up. It's alleged that he not only slept with her but also knocked her up. The England and Chelsea captain is married with two children. Sticky situation but it's not all bad. He was man enough to pay for the abortion. Problem solved, yes? Hell no.

Stories of the affair came to light when tabloid News of the World took pictures of the Chelsea and England captain leaving Perroncel's house in his Bentley. Terry sought and received a superinjunction to prevent the story's publication. Legal fail. The high court overturned it and the story quickly became a superclusterfuck when it was splashed across the front page of every major paper in the UK.

Normally the private lives of athletes and other famous people should stay as such in spite of the media and general public's obsession with every detail of their idols' lives. The Deuce always respects th....Never mind. Is this situation different? Terry is supposed to lead England in their World Cup campaign. It's rumored that Bridge won't travel to South Africa if Terry remains captain or even on the team depending which reports one believes. There are also claims that Terry isn't the only professional footballer to get a professional from Perroncel. This could get messier before it gets better for the involved parties.

Instead of hiring a PR representative, Terry should take some advice from South African president, Jacob Zuma. He just fathered his 20th child with the daughter of friend, Sonono Khoza. There ain't no shame in his game. He has multiple children from seven women which include his "current three wives" as well as various other women. The Khoza family wasn't pleased and sought discussions over "inhlawulo, the customary Zulu damages payable when a child is born out of wedlock". Problem solved? Yes.

Khoza is the chairman of the South Africa's World Cup organizing committee. You think Zuma's love child is going to blow up the biggest sporting event in the world? No way. Is anyone talking about Zuma stepping down from the presidency? Of course not. Bill Clinton was president of the wrong country.

England needs to tighten up. Terry isn't the first pro athlete to cheat or knock someone up and he won't be the last. No doubt the situation is ugly for the involved parties. It makes for juicy gossip and speculation but it shouldn't threaten England's chances at the World Cup. There will be hundreds of excuses to choose from when they inevitably choke. This drama should be handled internally by Capello and his decision should be respected. The FA and British govermnent should keep their noses out of it. They've made it apparent over the years that they have no clue what they're doing when it comes to soccer. The team is ultimately Capello's responsibility. It might be worth talking to Sven as he has experience with handling these types of situations from every angle. Know what I'm sayin'?

There are some lessons to be learned from this mess. Never leave your lady around John Terry. Never leave valuables around his mother. Always look for his dad when you're ready to have a good time. "Come on, Chelsea" has taken on a whole new meaning.


** The Deuce declares all conflicts unlike Howard Kurtz. Mustafa is a long-time Chelsea supporter. He is only interested in Terry keeping his head on straight when he's playing for the Blues.