No Way This Goes Wrong

"My eyes! The goggles, they do nothing!" Live birds as mascots? That's a brilliant idea.

The front office geniuses at M&T Stadium think it's a good idea for the Baltimore Ravens to use live ravens as mascots at games. The birds are being trained to fly out ahead of the team as they run onto the field before games. They're also being trained how to say "Hello, how are you?", "touchdown" and "Go Ravens". No word on whether they're also being taught how to say "I didn't do it" or "Multiply that bitch up".

[Ravens Vice President for Marketing Gabrielle] Dow said she hopes the bird - or birds - will fly around the bowl of the stadium. She has plans to have the ravens meet fans at the Ravens Walk outside the stadium. As for risk to fans once the birds are in the air, Blocher said there is "none whatsoever" because of training methods Walthers has used.

Any chance she'll regret saying there's no risk to fans? I'll consider the experiment a success if the ravens start dive bombing Steelers, Bengals and Browns fans and dancing with Ray Lewis as he runs out of the tunnel.