Grease Me Up Woman, I'm Going In

Zeferino Jackson of Black Sports Online had the opportunity to travel to Puerto Rico to observe Oscar de la Hoya in training for his May fight with Floyd Mayweather Jr. Let's just say that while his training methods are old school, they're also a bit...well, interesting.

Here are some of the highlights:

5 AM - 5 mile run that often ends up in de la Hoya running in a Mets baseball hat, speedos and running shoes with no socks

7:00-8:30 AM - Chase chickens

3:00-4:00 PM - "Family time with wife Millie Corretjer. According to one of Oscar’s entourage, Oscar enjoys non-ejaculatory sex with wife (rejuvenates the spirit). Freddie Roach does not discourage sexual contact during training as long as the fighter does not climax or reach orgasm. Roach declined to comment on exactly what Oscar does from 3:00pm to 4:00pm but he did share this: 'Let’s just say, when a fighter is pent up from having sex with no release, this increases his aggression and ferocity in the ring. This is why Manny is champ right now and this is why Floyd Mayweather’s getting knocked out on Cinco de Mayo..'"

8:00-9:00 PM - "Freddie Roach performs the full nude body greasedown massage technique on Oscar de la Hoya while fight strategy is discussed ... In my opinion, Freddie Roach is the least adept as his Parkinson’s affected hands don’t seem to allow him to perform the gentlest massage. For those not familiar with the deeper fundamentals of boxing training, the full nude body greasedown consists of the trainer rubbing a combination of oil, vinegar, and sometimes salt over the completely nude body of a boxer. This seems to increase concentration and cause a bond between the fighter and the trainer."

9:00-10:00 PM - "Freddie Roach has Oscar de la Hoya and the sparring partners go for a swim in a special thermal pool designed to relax the muscles and allow them to recuperate faster from the day’s training. Only fighters and trainers are allowed in the pool and no clothing or any type of swimwear is allowed while swimming. Freddie Roach supervises the swimming and I am informed that he also serves as a lifeguard during this. The environment is completely professional and not paramount to 'skinny dipping' as some in Floyd Mayweather’s camp have alluded to."

I don't even know where to start with this but I'll go with non-ejaculatory sex for $800, Alex.

"Hey, Millie. Hey, Millie! Listen here. Since your old man ain't got no heart, maybe you like to see a real man. I bet you stay up late every night dreamin' you had a real man, don't ya? I'll tell you what. Bring your pretty little self over to my apartment tonight, and I'll show you a real man."

If de la Hoya doesn't win this fight (which he has no chance of doing), he should just end himself. Getting greased up by a guy with Parkinson's and giving yourself blue balls every day is no way to go through life.