Tuesday, May 19, 2009

You May Have Noticed We Haven't Been Posting

Well, even if you haven't noticed our absence from the sports blogosphere its Chimpanzee Rage here to tell you that, no, we aren't dead...yet. Sure this year has been an off year for us at the Deuce so far, but Mustafa and I are not killing the site yet, we've just taken an unannounced break for a little bit.

So, on to the typical blogger excuses for not consistently providing you any mindless sports themed entertainment to fill your work day. First excuse, me, I'm getting married on Saturday and won't even be in the country until June rolls around. That's sucked up a lot of time and energy on my end. Second excuse, Mustafa, well who knows what exactly that cat is up to, but he's got too much on his plate right now as well. Third excuse, as for the other people who have occasionally dropped a post on the site...I have no idea why they are still listed as contributors on here. Finally last excuse, both of us are fighting for our respective day jobs, so that stress has been sucking away a lot of free time from the Deuce posting.

The good news, for anyone that still cares, is that we'll both be back and the site is NOT DEAD...yet. Mustafa might be able to start posting as early as this week, but I, Chimpanzee Rage, am going to start going back to regular daily posting once I get back stateside.

That all being said, don't lose faith in us, don't delete your bookmarks, keep on coming back, we're not putting a cork in this site yet, we're still letting it breathe.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Kathy Lee Said She'd Kill Regis Last. She Lied

Revenge has an interesting way of working itself out. Sometimes it comes in a revolving door or a barber chair. Other times, it strikes in the least expected place. Kathy Lee Gifford should get some respect for being so crafty. She stayed relatively chill after getting bounced off Regis and Kathy Lee and worked her way on the Today Show. All the while, she was plotting her revenge. Who knew her first shot at revenge would come in the form of Hanley Ramirez?

Kathy Lee's nemesis, Regis Philbin, was almost taken out by Ramirez during warmups before the Marlins game against the Reds on May 4. The shortstop "[fired] a baseball at Philbin from 100 feet away" after he walked into a long-toss session between Ramirez and Emilio Bonifacio. The talk show host was shaken but unhurt.
"He tried to kill me!" Philbin barked to a phalanx of reporters following a second-inning turn on the Marlins' telecast. "That's a quote! Put it in the papers! I know Kathy's behind this! This means war, bitch!"
Fine. Maybe he didn't say that last part about Kathy Lee but it couldn't have been far from his mind. Where was Enrico Palazzo during all of this? He could have stopped Ramirez from throwing that ball. Maybe Regis isn't as important as the Queen of England. Don't tell him that.

The question is will Philbin take this lying down or strike back. He should use A-Rod. He'll do anything if he thinks he has a shot at some 60+ ass and Kathy Lee will be too busy running her yap to see it coming. This is almost like that piece of shit with Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas. What was it again? Oh. Throw Momma from the Train. 

Fart Box wants a divorce. This could get smelly. Boom. We'll get our coats.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Mexicutioner Is Turning On His Own People

Ricky Hatton should consider himself lucky that Manny Pacquiao's knockout punch didn't kill him for more than two minutes. Unfortunately for three Filipinos, it killed them permanently. 

Three people in the Philippines died of heart attacks approximately at the moment Pacquiao's devastating knockout punch connected with Hatton's jaw. One man died celebrating Hatton's knockdown while another died at the beginning of the round. The third, a tricycle driver, collapsed as Hatton took the finishing shot. 

The reason given for all the deaths was excitement from watching the nation's hero fight. One has to think that shame had something to do with the tricycle driver's death. 64 years and still a tricycle driver? That bike promotion was probably never going to happen.