Monday, December 22, 2008

Merry Christmas, See You Next Year

Ok, so Mustafa is in Africa and I am going to Pittsburgh, PA for the holidays with the future Mrs. Rage's family, which means no one is going to be posting on the Deuce for a little while. So Merry Christmas to you all and we will see you late in this year or perhaps the new year. Cheers.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Harris Barton and Ronnie Lott Owe People A Lot of Money

It appears awesomeness is not enough to make it in the world of finance. HRJ Capital, an investment firm started by Harris Barton, Ronnie Lott and Joe Montana (EDIT:Apparently Joe Montana left the company in 2005) (HRJ get it) all formerly of the San Francisco 49ers, is about to get taken over. HRJ apparently owes Silicon Valley Bank a staggering 69 million dollars. Sixty-nine million dollars. I mean, who would've thought 3 ex athletes would have no idea what they were doing in the world of private equity and finance? Don't get mad at me, even actual financial analysts say that what they were doing was pretty dumb.
In the financial equivalent of a Hail Mary pass, HRJ apparently doomed itself by using the firm as collateral on a bridge loan as it was attempting to raise $250 million. It was able to raise only about half that amount — between $110 million and $130 million — yet it had committed the entire $250 million for investments, according to a report from Thomson Reuters.

"Yes, that's just as dumb as it sounds," wrote Dan Primack, the top private-equity analyst at Thomson Reuters, and founder and editor of the www.pehub.com Web site.

"It's very hard to kill off a PE firm," he said. "The significance here to me is that one is actually dying. This is an exceptional case."

Exceptional indeed. I wonder how some of their well regarded clients like Andre Agassi, Jerry Rice, Tim Duncan or Oscar de la Hoya feel about it? I don't care how tough Ronnie Lott or Harris Barton were in their prime, I wouldn't want to be the one to tell Oscar de la Hoya that you just lost a few million of his dollars. Ouch.


From Santa Cruz Sentinal

Former NFL Cheerleader MILF Slums It, Then Gives Away $140k

Former Baltimore Raven's Cheerleader Molly Shattuck has decided to use her powers for good instead of evil. She's a mom, she's formerly the oldest member of the Ravens cheerleading squad at 38, she's a rich socialite, she's hot, she's climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro and she's active in public service. Basically, she is one of the greatest people on the planet that should make you take a hard look at your life and realize how little you have done with it. Well, she's so amazing that she decided to show up on Fox's television show Secret Millionaire to slum it for a week, find some needy people who deserve a break and then give them one.

In this case, Molly gave out checks of $20,000 each to two different people, a yard full of toys for a bunch of needy kids and a check for $100,000 for a lady who runs a food pantry but her own house is falling apart around her.

Amazing woman huh? This pretty much means her kids will always win the "My Mom is better than your Mom" argument right there. What has your mom done lately? What have YOU done lately? Wait...what the hell have I done lately? I mean i woulda gone and climbed Mt. Kilimanjarp but, ya know, the freakin Redskins started out so well this year, i couldn't leave and not see their inevitable collapse. Sigh...

From RealityTV Magazine

The $800 Fantasy Football Championship Trophy

There is no way in the world that anyone should buy this. An 800 dollar fantasy football trophy for the richest of the fantasy football geeks out there. Its the limited edition fantasy football trophy by Titlecast and they will hand craft you the finest trophy ever made for your meaningless fantasy sports league. They even have a custom made one that spares no expense, so awesome they don't even have a price quote for it.

Dear God, if anyone actually has one of these for their league, send me a picture of you with it so I can mercilessly mock you on a daily basis.

From Uncrate

Corie Blount Probably Should Have Just Stuck To Smoking Weed

I am a huge fan of the Showtime show "Weeds". Its one damn good witty dramedy type show right there. Its never inspired me to become a purveyor of pot however, but in looking at Corie Blount's case before a grand jury it seems he might have been into the show more than me. Dude got arrested when police stopped 11 pounds of marijuana from reaching his grandmother's house and, as a bonus, they found 18 more pounds of weed in his OWN house. I hope for Blount's sake his grandma isn't like the weed dealing grandma Heylia on the tv show, because you he wouldn't ever want to show his face around her house again.

Holy fancy dancin Jesus that is a lot of pot. Sure its not as much as Nate Netwon who got caught with 213lbs of the sacred herb in his car, then a few weeks later got arrested with another 175lbs of the mary jane, but maybe the 3 guns and nearly $30,000 also confiscated will get him a little bit more cred in the American Professional Sports Criminals Club.

Yea i just made that club up. But if that existed, doesn't Rae Carruth have to be the president?

From Journal News

R.I.P. Sammy Baugh

1914-2008
"The Greatest Washington Redskins Player"

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Hang Tough While Matt Cassell And The Patriots Debacle Your Ears

This has been around since the summer but it's new to us. This must have been so much cooler in the summer when Matt Cassell was a high school starter. The last backup we saw kick it like this was Kyle Boller busting some moves for charity.



An anonymous source called this horrific. It's so bad Emmitt Smith would probably start speaking the Queen's English after watching it.

Adriano's F**ked Up And Got The 8-Ball Rollin'


The 40 oz in Adriano's lap is freezing his balls and the Special One is not amused. The talented Brazilian striker's time may have run out at Inter Milan after he was sent home from training by manager Jose Mourinho for showing up drunk last Thursday.
Training after the defeat by Bremen was set to resume at 10.30am. The Brazilian arrived in good time but in a very bad state. The coach saw this and asked him to leave the training centre.
Gazzetta dello Sport describes Mourinho as "inevitably furious" after the incident. Adriano is obviously not aware of the damage the Special One can do when crossed. Former Chelsea striker Adrian Mutu found out after testing positive for coke. He was tossed off the team and banned from play. After several court battles, he now owes Chelsea £13.68m for breach of contract. Lesson? Do not fuck with Jose.

This isn't the first incident involving Adriano and alcohol. He's well known for his partying ways even back in Brazil where he fled last year after going a bit insane in Milan. Inter was nice enough to let him go back to Brazil and get his head straight. After promising to change his ways, he was pictured out on the same night with everyone's favorite tranny connoisseur, Ronaldo.


Good times! Hope Ronaldo has space on his couch. Adriano returned this season and already has shown up to training wrecked several times in addition to being seen out in the clubs and showing lackluster effort on the pitch. It's surprising that Mourinho has tolerated this behavior for so long but maybe he feels differently about Adriano than he did about Mutu. It's not as though he's the main or only option up front. Inter has the talented Swedish international Zlatan Ibrahimovic as well as the young Mario Balotelli (who is going to be a star before long). The two of them make Adriano excess to requirements. Inter would probably be best served cutting him loose and sending him back to Brazil before he completely turns into the Brazilian Gazza.

Is Next. Bundesliga Wear ... Very Nice

I remember watching Moscow on the Hudson when I was younger and thinking that every Warsaw Pact country resembled movie Moscow with no choices and long lines. I also thought smoke stacks filled the skylines and everything was in black and white. Good job, American propaganda but guess what. We were wrong.

The West, especially Wendy's, owes the former Eastern Bloc a big apology. Who knew they were trying to prevent infiltration by things such as this disastrous union of soccer, fashion and 70s Germans?



Don't try to tell me goofballs weren't involved in this vomitorium of color and bad haircuts. If I were a Communist leader, I too would feel it my duty to never allow such nonsense into my country even at the cost of my people's freedom. You shame Erick Honecker and Ceausescu now but that's only because you don't see the big picture like they did.

The (Hopefully) Triumphant Return Of Tony Bruno


If you don't know, you better ask somebody. Tony Bruno is back. For those who don't live in the Los Angeles area or were unaware of Into The Night on local station KLAC AM 570, he's been on the air since September. He went national last week as Westwood One launched Into The Night on 20 stations and hopefully more to come in the near future.

We're not going to front. We're huge Bruno fans here at the Deuce. Daulerio interviewed him back in June when he was still unemployed. It was great to finally know how he was doing however the interview was somewhat bitter and a bit of a downer like horse tranquilizers as he discussed his difficulty finding a job. He's simply one of the best in sports radio. Of course, you may disagree but you probably think clowns like Kevin Cowherd, Mike and Mike, the Sports Junkies or Michael Kay are good.

You may remember Bruno from his days on Fox Sports Radio with Andrew Siciliano or even further back on the four letter word. Now that was good sports radio. He, along with partner Tim Cates, is in great form. There may be comparable quality in local markets such as the Sports Reporters in DC but we'll take Bruno any day over the vast majority of national hosts.

This post is way too positive for us so let Tony debacle your ears as he gets his Shania Twain on. Yaaaarghh!!



If you don't hate him after that, you can catch the podcasts of past Into The Night shows on http://am570radio.com. Thank us later while listening to Tony instead of whatever douche you're stuck with now. We have no affiliation or contacts with KLAC or Westwood One. Just figure it's good to push whatever good sports radio is left on the airwaves.

The Phillies See The Mets An Oldboy


Cole Hamels and the Phillies are not impressed with the Mets' signings Francisco Rodriguez and JJ Putz. Welcome to Philadelphia, Chan Ho Park. Park signed a one year deal with the Phillies that could bring him about $5 million with bonuses.

The Phillies first signed 36 year old Raúl Ibáñez and now they've matched the Mets with the signing of journeyman Park. The former Dodger had a 3.40 ERA and 5 starts over 95 innings. Philly's status as world fucking champions (NSFW language if you can't guess) and his belief that he would come in as a starter convinced Park to choose Philly over other suitors but it's hard to believe that would be a regular in the rotation.

Park will probably be more useful coming out of the bullpen and of course for situations such as the following:



What Mets player will run away from a fight this year when Park unleashes his signature flying scissors kick at him?

Yes, the music and leadup are awful. It's not Linkin Park rap/rock or "Here Comes The Boom" but still, forgiveness please.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Good Looking QB's Make More Money

No wonder Jeff George hasn't been able to get back into the league, he's just too ugly for football. A study by economists David Berri, Rob Simmons and Jennifer Van Gilder theorizes that quarterbacks that have the facial symmetry that is statistically considered to be "good looking" actually make more money in the NFL than uglier quarterbacks. They looked at Qb's from 1995-2006 and how they looked, their salaries, and a whole bunch of other data to come to this conclusion.
“We collected data on how good-looking they are. This is something that you can empirically measure,” Berri said by phone. “The NFL takes pictures of every quarterback and you can measure the symmetry of a person’s face. That is a measure of attractiveness.

“We got the pictures, took the measurements and we simply plugged that into our model that we already had constructed. Turned out that they symmetry of a person’s face was statistically related to their salary. The results were strongest for the quarterbacks who don’t get on the field as much. So the quarterbacks at the lower end of the income distribution, they’re the ones who see the biggest payoff.”

Good-looking quarterbacks such as the Titans’ Kerry Collins make more than $300,000 per year than the factors would forecast. Jeff George, who didn’t score as high on the beauty scale, was paid less.

I think the crazy thing is that they consider Kerry Collins to be a good looking man. Couldn't they use a better example like male model Tom Brady or something? That is the picture of male attractiveness right there? Yeesh.

The good thing about this study is that for guys like JP Losman or David Carr...now we might know why they are still hanging around this league despite the fact that they can't play a lick of quarterback in the NFL. All show and no substance, Jeff George must have read this and put his fist through a wall.

From Kansas City.com

Bonzi Wells Seeking New Start In China

Having played his way out of the NBA, Bonzi Wells apparently cannot even be signed by a European league basketball team as he just signed with Shanxi Zhongyu, a team trying to get out of the bottom of the Chinese basketball association. Bonzi seems confident that this marriage will work out:
"I will not have any problems with the coaches. I am not a bad boy," the Basketball Pioneers newspaper on Monday quoted Wells as saying.

"When I was with Portland I had that image but I was young and didn't understand. At the time I was a little excessive."

Yes, because intentionally striking and verbally abusing a referee can be considered "a little excessive". So can possibly spitting on a player and giving a fan the finger. Just a bit. I hope Bonzi knows what he's doing now, I can't imagine he's gonna get much of a break there in China.

Dont forget to vote for the 2008 Clicksy awards on SI.com!

Thats All She Wrote Skins Fans

*This is a pretty stream of consciousness rant...but I need to get all this off my chest*

A season that started out so promising at 6-2 has essentially come to a close with 2 games left and a mediocre record of 7-7 that, at this point, looks to be better than it should be the way the Redskins have played the last 6 weeks. The most brainwashed of Redskins fans will take the glass half full approach. They will say "Before the season started, we would be happy to have this record, quit your whining". That is sad if someone thinks that.

Personally, I am not ever happy with a team I am a fan of being average at best. How did it get to this point? In my youth this team was a three time champion, now as an adult, this team is a joke...and why? Well, here's why.

Daniel Snyder, he of good intentions and a full pocketbook, has no idea how to actually run a football organization. He may or may not know this and that is scary. What is even more frightening is that Daniel Snyder doesn't hire good football people to run his organization either. But, you say, he hired Joe Gibbs! Who is more of a football person than Joe Gibbs? I have an answer for that...Joe Gibbs when Snyder hired him wasn't a football person anymore, he was a NASCAR person so shut the hell up. People don't leave the game of football for 15 years and suddenly jump right back in and know what the hell is going on, its impossible, and that was proven as he slowly hired people to do his job for him in his tenure here.

Snyder then makes Vinnie Cerrato the GM and allows him to run the draft. What happened there? Disaster. 3 picks in the 2nd round has turned into 3 receivers who have caught a combined 18 passes for 127 yards. Awesome. What other receivers could we have taken in the 2nd round? Jordy Nelson ( 30 catches, 330 yards), John Carlson (51, 601), Eddie Royal (75, 847), or Desean Jackson (53, 775). We picked 3 receivers, none of them combined are as good as any one of those rookies. You have to try really hard to fail that bad.

The offensive line is old, they knew it would be old, it was old everywhere. They picked 1 tackle. The defensive line is old, they knew it would be old, it was old everywhere. They picked 1 end...in the 7th round. They picked 1 cornerback who couldn't even be effective on special teams, they picked a punter in the 6th round that was cut in the middle of the season, they picked a quarterback they didn't need, as a matter of fact, the only pick that apparently was a steal was Chris Horton, their last pick, which looks like pure dumb luck since they were so bad at the previous 9 picks.

So they didn't fix any problems from the previous season in the draft. They also signed their running back who has more wear than 95% of the other backs in the league to a multi-year extension. They have 1 good wide receiver and 1 good tight end who both get double teamed because they have no other threats. They have no pass rush because their line is old and slow, which puts too much pressure on their surprisingly solid linebacking corps, which in turn puts a ton of pressure on their corner backs to play man defense, neutering their best defensive player Laron Landry because he has to play center field all day to cover for anyone's mistakes. And they hire their rookie offensive coordinator to be their rookie coach.

That might still be a good move but right now Zorn has much to prove, the hiccups in the installation of his offense are quite apparent. Right now, the team isn't build for the Zorn version of the "West-Coast" style of offense. It was built to be a power running/play action team (and wasn't good at that either). On top of that, after Zorn surprised the league with his play calling in the first 8 games, the league caught up to him like a rookie pitcher the 2nd time around. It is almost like everyone know what play is coming except the Redskins' since they're always offsides, lining up wrong, blocking in the wrong protection mode, or running the wrong routes.

The team is not very disciplined right now, the offensive playcalling has been stagnant and if Greg Blache wasn't such an amazing defensive coordinator, the Redskins would never, ever have a chance in this year's NFL.

So since everything is wrong with the Redskins, what needs to be done? More pain and misery before the gettin gets good. The team needs to take a hard look at the players on the team and make some cuts...a lot of them. This team needs to be gutted, the front office and scouting department needs to be fired and a real football mind needs to take charge. Veterans need to be traded for draft picks if possible or cut if there are no takers. This team needs a complete overhaul and it has to be done as soon as possible because putting it off is not the way to have sustained success in this league.

Yes, i'd rather lose with a bunch of promising rookies and found talent than lose with these high priced has-beens. At least one way, you can see the future growing, right now, the only thing growing is my discontent.

You Too Can Skate At Wrigley Field

I'm not much of an ice skater, the few times I have gone I've ended up on my ass more often than not, but this is just pretty cool. Wrigley Field is installing a hockey rink for the Winter Classic, a hockey game featuring the Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings on Jan. 1 and it is opening the rink up to the public to skate on January 4th for the low low price of $10.

The odds of ever getting to be on the field of Wrigley are pretty slim for normal joes and joettes, so this might just be the one chance people can have to get onto it, even if it is completely covered in ice. I am not even a Cubs fan but I would love to say that I fell and chipped a tooth on the field of Wrigley Field after faceplanting on the ice.

From Chicago Tribune

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

My Name Is Victory And I'm The Best, All The Serie A Players Want To Feel My...


I don't know what the Daily Mail is implying but it sure seems like they're banking on David Beckham having some 'splaining to do by the time he's finished in Milan. First come the rumors of him getting a place near a red-light district and now come warnings of a high-pro soccer ho making the rounds of Serie A players.

Dateline Milan. The Daily Mail headline reads "Beckham can bank on at least one admirer in Milan as Italian player claims: Serie A stars have paid me for sex". A Serie C player named Victory claims that he's slept with 12 Serie A players in hotels and locker rooms.
'I am talking about important players,' said Victory in a televised interview with TV station La 7. 'Serie A players even internationals and married players.

'We are talking about more than just kissing.'

'I charge 1500 euros (£1300) and the players pay up no problem. Most of the time we meet in hotels after matches, that's when they get their only free time.

'I have about 30 clients who are footballers and I would say that a dozen are Serie A and national team players - several times I have been asked to take part in group sex sessions.
The article has pictures of Beckham throughout and notes that he'll be arriving in Milan very soon. Why don't they come out and just say that Beckham's first Italian victory will be all over his...Whoa, dude. Don't be surprised if the British tabloids start sending agents to Milan in an attempt to trap Beckham in some funny business. Just ask Sven Goran-Eriksson how that works.

One of These Three Is Not Like The Other

What the heck is this dude doing in a body building competition? Looks like he just walked in off the street, threw on some tanning lotion and got out on stage. Hilarious.

NAJEH LIVES TO PLAY ANOTHER DAY


Oft signed and cut patron saint of the Deuce of Davenport, Najeh "Deuce" Davenport has just been signed, for the 3rd time this season, by an NFL team. The Indianapolis Colts have decided to give the thrice cut former Steelers running back a shot on the team with Joseph Addai ailing in their backfield. Najeh this year has amassed a total of 2 carries for 5 yards, with a long run of 3 yards.

The Deuce is loose!
SI taking some liberties with the Tim Tebow photo on their new issue

Not To Be Outdone, NBA To Broadcast All Star Events In 3D

NBA is making an attempt at 1up'ing the NFL this season by showing its 2009 All Star pre-gameday Events in 3-d at 80 theaters across the nation. A full list of them is up on the LA Times sports blog. (Side note: I love how the theater for Washington DC is actually in the middle of Virginia over an hour's drive away.)

This means that we can all watch the tortuously slow slam dunk contest in a whole new way. Nothing better than watching players attempt a dunk 13 times with all their missed dunks flying right at you. I also can't imagine how much more excitement I can handle with the skills challenge players dodging cones right out of the screen. I think Stern should possibly rethink this.

The 3 point contest might be good in 3-d i guess, when the guys actually make their dunks that might be neat too, but i cannot imagine paying the $18-22 ticket price to sit in a movie theatre and paying movie theatre food prices with the possibility of no alcohol all to watch a bunch of meaningless events and no game. At least the NFL's invite only broadcast was for a legitimate game. This is a bunch of skills contests. Why couldn't they just show the All Star game in 3-d? The cameras will already be there wont they? Doesn't make much sense to me.

Leave it up to the NBA to botch something as cool as 3-d.

Via LA Times

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Starbury Gets Clowned By The Swiss

Things are going from stupid to ridiculous for Stephon Marbury. Not only has he been banished by his team but now he's getting punked by the Swiss who are known for their humor.

Several people claiming to be Swiss bankers with connections to Real Madrid attempted to recruit Starbury to play for the Spanish giants. It turns out they were fakers. He didn't find this out before he returned calls and emails on Saturday. Now he's considering turning their information over to the law.

The pranksters also contacted the Post, AP and the New York Times to promote Starbury's imminent move to Real and Real president Ramon Calderon's contacts with Donnie Walsh. Too bad none of it was true. Starbury playing in Spain would make for great reality TV. We might get a Kwame Brown moment where he blows up when he can't get Spanish Fly at a restaurant.

SNL Actually Made With The Funny

Of course I was watching Oscar de la Hoya get beat like a rented mule instead of watching SNL. Then again, I haven't watched that show for over a decade. No plans to start now but apparently they drop the humorous every once in a while.

You Could Have Had A Country Last Saturday


Chances like the one this past Saturday don't come around that often. You could have had the Philippines for the price of a small mercenary army provided by a reputable outfit such as DynCorp International.

The Filipino army stopped its offensives for the duration of the Pacquiao-De La Hoya fight so the soldiers could watch it.
“Tigil muna siguro ang military offensive pero habang nanonood, mga armalite nasa tabi. Mahirap na, baka malusutan (Military offensives will be suspended, but our guns should be on our sides because some groups might take advantage),” Philippine Army spokesman, Lt. Col. Romeo Brawner Jr. said.
Military camps and headquarters were converted into theatres so soldiers and their families could watch the fight. Chimp and I should have motivated and launched a Tet-style offensive with a bunch of South Africans instead of getting housed and watching the fight. There's no college football of consequence on Saturday so email us if you want to go after the Central African Republic or Vanuatu. Let's shoot for the morning. I'd like to get it done by 8 so I can go to a show but it all depends on what I get into Friday night.

It's Like Waterworld, Only It's Music


My ears! The goggles do nothing! What the hell is NASCAR thinking? Normally we wouldn't bother writing a post about NASCAR but something should probably be said about Kevin Costner signing on with them to provide music and personal appearances.

Bitten and Bound reports that Costner's band Modern West will be featured on NASCAR.com and presumably this means NASCAR broadcasts as well. They must want to drive people to Formula 1. You think we're being too harsh? You be the judge.



I'll suffer through The Postman before I listen to any more of this. I may not know country music but I know bad music is like pornography. I may not be able to tell you what it is but I know it when I hear it. I'd tell Costner to stick to acting but we'd still lose. No one needs to be subjected to his movies if he's going to offer up crap like that Coast Guard movie with Aston Kutcher. Anyone see Dan Duquette lately? This smells like one of his personnel moves.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Sean Avery's Next Goal Celebration

This seems like the appropriate celebration for a douchebag like Avery. Just subtract the back door action from his teammates. He'll get no love from them.

Friday, December 5, 2008

New Sport: Airplane Cow Tipping


All said, i hope the cow is ok...to eat.

Wie Close To Return To Sucking On Pro Tour

That's right, our favorite misguided female golfer could be back in the LPGA soon. Michelle Wie hit 7 under on day 3 on the Champions Course at Q school yesterday and with just 20 golfers getting their pro card, Wie is in good position to return to suckage on the LPGA tour.

This has to be a good thing for the LPGA tour since Annika Sorenstam is retiring, the tour needs someone to give them some press and/or controversy in the coming year and Wie is just the lightning rod the tour needs to give them some ratings power. Who wouldn't tune in to watch her get beat down by the women that she didn't ever want to play against the first time around? I would...maybe...for like the first round...and then only if i'm really hungover...and if nothing exciting is on tv...like fishing...or something.

From USA Today

Random Video of Horrific Violence: "Strong Pimp Hand"

Yea it's not sports related, that's what makes it random, but the sheer strength of this man's pimp hand knocks this dude out at a gas station. Do not taunt the man in red, his pimp hand is the strongest of them all.

Charles Rogers Back In The News

But not for anything good. No he hasn't signed with a team desperate for a WR. The Ex Lions receiver has been in jail since Wednesday for a parole violation in Pontiac Michigan of a reduced charge (from assault and battery) of trespassing. He was to have partial confinement as part of his parole, but he violated that as well as testing positive for narcotics. Dumb man indeed.

He wasn't smart enough to learn routes or lose weight or stop getting injured, why would anyone think he couldn't stay at home while not sucking down some drugs to pass the time? Another reason why the firing of Matt Millen was a long time coming, what a waste of a draft pick.

From Yahoo Sports

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The University Of Illinois Center For Athletes That Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too


"The Irwin Academic Services Center at the University of Illinois is outfitted with computer labs and classrooms; staffed with tutors, counselors and learning specialists; furnished with oversize leather chairs and Oriental rugs—and off-limits to 99 percent of the student body."

WTF Kareem?


Really? Is this what's up with Kareem these days? A friend sent this picture to us and we're still confused as to what's going on. This could be more upsetting to Allah than his Coors Light commercials.

Gary Bettman Channels His Inner Censor


NHL Kommissar Gary Bettman must have been feeling left out since Roger Goodell and David Stern started running their respective leagues like their own personal fiefdoms. No longer will he have to listen to taunts from Goodell and Stern about letting the natives run wild. Putting Rowdy the Cowboys mascot on double secret probation must have been a slap to Bettman's face. Making an example out of Sean Avery will show everyone that he too can make irrational and idiotic rulings.

Avery was suspended indefinitely by the NHL for comments made in the lead up to the Dallas Stars game against the Calgary Flames.
"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada," Avery said on camera [yesterday] in Calgary. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."
Everyone can agree that Avery is a douchebag but these comments were funny because they're true. Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf is dating Elisha Cuthbert who used to be with Avery. He also dated Rachel Hunter who's now rolling with Kings center Jeret Stoll.

Avery has been accused of "conduct deterimental to the League or the game of hockey". Stars owner Tom Hicks said the team would have suspended him if the league hadn't acted first. Liverpool fans would like to do more than suspend Hicks. His own teammates including Marty Turco are throwing him under the bus like Starbury. The comments may be distracting but they are far from being the worst thing he's ever done. TSN analyst John Tortella keeps things in perspective as well as Joe Buck.
"The league stepped up here and I think they did the right thing. Enough is enough," said Tortorella. "He's embarrassed himself, he's embarrassed the organization, he's embarrassed the league and he's embarrassed his teammates, who have to look out for him. Send him home. He doesn't belong in the league."
The suspension is bullshit if the league is making up for letting previous antics as suggested by Bob McKenzie. Hell of a makeup call. The Stars should settle down. It's not as if they didn't know what they were getting when they took Avery on. It's no problem for the team to move him if they think he's too much of a distraction but everyone needs to stop acting as though a capital crime has been committed. These comments aren't close to some of the worst things that have been uttered by NHL players without penalty. It's not like he killed anyone. What? Too soon?

Good thing Stars coach Dave Tippett gets the point.
"I think everyone in our room believes there is an integrity that has to go along with the game, respect for the game and respect for your opponents and Sean crossed that line," Tippett told reporters in Calgary prior to the game.

"I think the words, the words and disrespect for an opponent like that is something . . . there's lots of trash talking that goes on on the ice. But then to announce something like that for everybody to hear, to me that crosses the line and the League — and our ownership felt that, too."
Yeah that's it. If anything, his comments were disrespectful to the Flames. Wah! Never mind calling Cuthbert "sloppy seconds". I'm sure Jerome Iginla was crying for Phaneuf. "Dude, that's just so fucked up. How could he say those horrible things about you? He's a stupid dummy head!" Is Avery a dick. Yes. Should he have made those comments? Probably not. However a league suspension is going way overboard.

Once Again Soccer Fans Lead The Way


Say what you will about the game of soccer. I have yet to see fans of any other professional sport bring inventiveness, passion and idiocy the way soccer fans do every week. Note the complete lack of creativity from football fans from bullshit signs sucking off ESPN or whatever network is broadcasting a game to weak chants such as "De-fense!" or "Charge!". Basketball and baseball fans have to be told when to cheer by stadium and arena announcers or a scoreboard. Music has to be pumped in during play to cover up the lack of crowd involvement. How many times have you been at or watched an NBA game and been able to hear conversations in the stands or hear a pin drop? It's almost like being at a recital. Good thing soccer fans pick up the slack.

Dateline England. Conference side Histon took and defeated Division two and one-time Champions League semifinalists Leeds United in an early FA Cup match. For the uninitiated, the Conference is the equivalent of semi-pro soccer in England. Imagine a semi-pro baseball team beating a team that used to be in the majors but is now languishing in AA and still draws supporters as though they still in the majors. The winning goal was scoring by a Histon player who is a postman by day. God bless relegation.


Even at this level, fans and players bring it. ITV is reeling after being subjected to a battering that would have driven Keith Martin and the FCC to insanity. The picture above shows Histon players celebrating their momentous win. What it doesn't show is the player who appeared fully naked and dancing in front of TV cameras filming the celebration.

Leeds may have lost the match but their fans did them proud. I guess it's true that a pig find a truffle every once in a while. A stray pitch microphone was hijacked by the fans who didn't hesitate to let viewers know what they thought about ITV. NSFW language at end of video.



A sound engineer managed to cut the sound by not before Leeds fans made it clear that they were not fans of ITV. American team support is stuck in the 50s like Bollywood movies. Step your game up, America.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Barry Alvarez Says Don't Flinch

Them bulletproof coach pants can go up to his lip.

Former Wisconsin DB Leonard Taylor has strange ideas when it comes to threesomes. Involving Maria Sharapova is never a bad move but Barry Alvarez? I don't know about you but the last thing I want near me is the man pictured above wearing headphones and screaming out plays and formations while I get it on with Maria. Well it would probably suck more if the headphone cord was used to choke everyone out Michael Hutchence style.

Taylor was arrested after making numerous death threats to Alvarez. He left "numerous" voicemails at the UW athletic department threatening to kill Alvarez and his family. He also said that he would kill Sharapova and her family after marrying her. Ah the praying mantis.
"I'll kill you first, mother (expletive)," Taylor said, according to the complaint. "I've got 24 (expletive) hours mother (expletive). I'm coming for your (expletive) ass. You might have a (expletive) war."

Later in the message he told Alvarez that he wanted to look at him one last time "before I pull the (expletive) trigger, Barry."
This isn't the first time Taylor made calls to Alvarez. In September, he made "strange but not threatening" calls before calling back last week and stepping his game up Single White Female style.

Taylor's father says that his son is paranoid schizophrenic and has been off his meds for three months. H's lucky he didn't act out on his threats. Alvarez's son, Chad never flinches. Taylor would have ended up getting toasted like a parrot. Barry ain't skurred.

You Make The Call: Brilliant Goal Or Dumb Play

Starbury Now Thinks He's In WWII

In response to the NY Knicks and Starbury not coming to a buyout agreement, leaving Marbury suspended and still waiting for the Knicks to come up with some plan of action Marbury fired his mout off like a howtizer in a firefight with a panzer about everything and everyone. The worst quote of them all follows. I'm not exactly sure where Stephon Marbury was coming up with this analogy for his teammates badmouthing him in the press, its a bit of an extreme quote for sure, as quotes always are when they compare the horrors of war with the world of sport.
"When things got bad and then worse, guys like Quentin Richardson say, 'I don't consider him a teammate. He let his teammates out to dry.' He didn't care I was his teammate when I was banished. They left me out for dead. It's like we're in a foxhole and I'm facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn't even give me an honorable death."

Seriously? An "honorable death"? What the hell is this crazy bastard talking about? What happened to getting stabbed in the back? Why'd he have to take it to the foxhole/shot in the head/honorable death level? How does anyone ever legitimately compare basketball to death and war anyway? People get enough crap about that when they do it for football, but this might be the first time I've ever heard anyone equate any part of the sport of basketball to war.

Honestly, I do not know which one I want more. A team to take Starbury off the Knicks hands so we can hear him interviewed every single night in hopes of another ignorant quote such as this or the Knicks to keep fucking with him so that he gets angrier and angrier so that his next quote will make this quote seem tame in comparison. I can just see him going after Mike D'Antoni and invoking Josef "Angel of Death" Mengele or something.

Via NY Post

There Is A Website Dedicated to Tony Kornheiser's Hair

Or lack thereof I guess. Tonycutyourhair.com seems to exist soley to talk about Tony Kornheiser's hair follicles. Now, Tony himself is no stranger to talking about his large, orange dome, but these folks are imploring Tony to do away with the comb-over and go for a new look...as i'm sure a few of his close friends and employers have done as well. Anyway, the guys behind the site graciously offer up some new hairstyles with poorly done photoshops such as:

and

Ahhh yes, quality Kornheiser hi-jinx there. Its a good start for the website, but I think they can do better. First they need a photoshop class (i'm one to talk) but if they really get their shit in gear, maybe, just maybe they could be a briefly popular internet meme for about 2 seconds. Now that is something to aspire to be.

I do agree though Tony, if you're reading, the time for something to change with that hair was about 20 years ago yo.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Watching the NFL in Canada Sucks

I know I would be pissed if this happened here in the good ole US of A. WTF are they thinking there? Skip to 4:30 to see the worst promo cut in in the world.