Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Yet Another New Sport: Combaton

In the ever evolving world of sport, I have never seen anything like this. This sport is called Combaton, derived from the use of combat and a baton, and it is pretty uniquely weird. From the website:
"The object of the game is for the offense to move the baton down field and score on their opponent’s goal pole. The defense must stop the offense and end the attack by kicking the baton carrier."

So if you're scoring at home, its kinda like cricket, lacrosse, football and martial arts exhibitions all wrapped up into one. Yea, that's about right. Speaking of scoring, the points system is this: 3 points for any standing kick, 4 points for any jumping kick up to 180 degrees and 5 points for any 360 degree spinning kick. The only way to stop the guy with a baton, and thus the advance to the goal, is to kick him off his feet or just so hard an official stops the action for a reset.

As if that wasn't nutty enough, if opposing teams possess the baton at the same time, they have a freaking "Fight Off" which means the two guys get taken to a circle to battle it out over who gets the right to hold the baton. Two men enter, 1 baton leaves!!!!

So yea, potentially brutal and awesome sport but from the looks of this video, kind of a sport for really intense martial arts type peoples that like to run around quite a bit while getting their kicks off. I want to see some brutality in these videos! Watch the promo for yourself


Aussie F@ckin Rules F%ckin F%ck!

This fucking video is the fucking best fucking pep talk of all fucking time. Fucking Shepherds Bush fucking Raiders have some fucking intense fucking fucks on their fucking team. Enjoy this fucking video for fucks sake....needless to say ITS FUCKING NSF FUCKING W!!!

Worst Super Bowl Tie-In Ever

Even geeks have to watch the Super Bowl so what better to get the geeks of the world excited about the big game than with a physics contest! Yea, a site called Physics Central is hosting a contest for the geeks of the world to make a video that demonstrates some aspect of physics in football. The prize, you see below. Doesn't look all that special? Well it's special to the physics nerds. Its a nanoscale trophy. Get excited people!
A nanoscale trophy will be created in silicon and metal, which will be visible only under super high magnification electron or scanning microscopes. At such minuscule dimensions, the width of the features will be about a thousand times thinner than a strand of human hair!

Oh, and you can bag $1000 bucks too so there is something in this story for the non-geeks of the interwebs (wait, are there any?) . So get your geek on and make a grab for that cash and a really fucking tiny trophy that you will never, ever see.

I might send in a video demonstrating the physics of the impact of an Osi Umenyiora sack on Tom Brady's receding hair follicles.

From Physics Central

Alonzo Spellman Is A Special Kind Of Crazy

How Alonzo Spellman is still able to walk amongst us normal not insane people is something that I will never understand. Spellman was arrested last night in Tulsa after a 20 minute car chase with police, that was stopped only by police stop sticks which took out three of his Chrysler Pacifica's tires, followed by a 20 minute stand-off with police where Spellman would not get out of his car, followed by police firing pepper pellets into said car, finally getting the crazy mofo out of his vehicle. He was charged with eluding, assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, resisting arrest and driving without a license.

I understand and am sympathetic to those who suffer with bipolar disorder, but c'mon 'Zo, take your damn medication! Most people with bipolar disorder are not six feet tall, three hundred pound wrecking machines. I mean, he's now doing MMA fighting, he's learning more skills to beat people down with other than just tackling you hard enough to break your ribcage. That is not a good thing if he's liable to breakout in violent, manic episodes at any given second. If Spellman can't be responsible enough to take his drugs that keep him sane, it might be more responsible if he weren't let out to possibly harm someone.

From CBSSportsline

Is There A Señor Mutu Or A Señor Bosnich In The House?

If not, they might have left a package for me?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Cashley Cole, Catholic Crusader?

Don't say that footballers don't have a serious, contemplative side. Players like Kaka and Mateja Kezman score for Jesus all the time. Well, Kaka does. It's not yet clear what the hell Kezman is doing. Seems more like blasphemy.

Then you have players like Chelsea's Ashley "Cashley" Cole. Billy Gallas and £5M to Arsenal for Cole was a bad move. However, I may have been too quick to judge him. The Catholic Church may have found a new champion or crusader in the form of Cashley Cole.

Cole, married to Girls Aloud member Cheryl Cole, was busted for hooking up with a hairdresser after a night of heavy drinking. Among other things, he "slapped her bottom so hard his platinum wedding ring left a mark, vomited in a girl’s car — then said she should feel 'privileged', made absurd claims that Girls Aloud singer Cheryl 'didn’t mind' him cheating as long as he kept it secret, and interrupted their sex session to be sick again".

It looks as though he's learned from that experience and has turned to the church for guidance. The Sun reports that he hooked up with another girl but he followed Rome's advice and didn't use protection.
Glamour model BROOKE HEALY, 23, has told how England ace Cole bedded her at a friend’s house following a boozy night out with Chelsea team-mates.

She said yesterday: “When we were getting down to it I asked him if he had protection because I wasn’t on the Pill.

“He said not to worry about it because he was always getting tests at Chelsea and he was clean.

“He said he didn’t do protection and not to worry because everything would be cool.
Who knew commies like Roman Abramovich were closet believers? When you're richer than Nazis, you can check for everything. Derby and Wigan must be running rampant with STDs. No wonder they're so slow. It's hard to run fast when your crotch is burning like Michael Jackson's hair on fire.

Like all heroes, Cole isn't a perfect man. Hoes have been dropping out of the sky like dead spy satellites to call him out. He allegedly offered the hairdresser money to have an abortion.
When Aimee, 22, feared she might be pregnant, Cole’s representative met her at a Harvester pub and offered her cash to have an abortion ... She was then taken into the office of a West End nightclub and told to sign a document declaring she hadn’t slept with Cole - in exchange for an envelope stuffed with £6,000 in cash.
That's not the half of it.

Cole slept with the girl on the left the year he got married and paid her £10,000 in hush money. The chickenhead on the right claims to have slept with him five months after he was married.

He claims to not "do protection" and none are pregnant. What other proof do you need, people? Get out there and do God's work!

This Can't Be A Good Sign For Sunday

This probably isn't as bad as the Seahawks taking the field to Bittersweet Symphony. You knew no good would come of that.

Way to back your fans, Rangers.

Is This Love That I'm Feeling

Howard University Men's Soccer Coach Joseph Okoh thought he made a love connection over the interwebs after previous attempts on J-Date (Juvenile not Jewish) didn't work out. Too bad it turned out to be a cop instead of a 13-year old girl.

Okoh was arrested after being netted in a sting operation conducted by the Louisa County Sheriff's Office as part of the Southern Virginia Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. He traveled to Louisa County thinking he was going to give a girl some Bison love and instead ended up posterized in a mug shot. He was charged with one count of using a commuications system to solicit a person under 15 years old with lascivious intent.

He just finished his first year as head coach after coming from Shepherd University. The 2007 Season Outlook for the team states:
Okoh will look to incorporate the Dutch philosophy of "Total Football" to the Bison's on-the-field strategy, typically a system in which every player is active in all facets of the game, whether it is full-backs joining the offensive attack or wide midfielders tracking back to help defend. In other words, much of the Bison's focus will be geared around its players' versatility.
Apparently he had the same Total Molestation game plan. Luckily, his record off the field was just as bad as his record on it. Okoh could have done himself a favor by listening to the words of BDP.

All jokes aside, one has to feel for Okoh's family for the embarrassment and shame they have to deal with in the coming months thanks to his depraved, selfish actions.

Steve McClaren could use a job these days and the Howard job would give him massive street cred.

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Pole Crotch

Nothing starts a day off like a good shot to the balls. Its timeless really.

96 Ain't Nuthin' But A Number

Winning the NIT ain't nuthin' but a thing. Isiah thinks the Knicks are a playoff team.
While saying that he believes the Knicks are a playoff team, Thomas reiterated that he will not be making any deals prior to Feb. 21 trading deadline.

It's not clear what playoffs he's talking about. Maybe he thinks owning the CBA means he can rig the playoffs. Oh wait... He must be talking about the NIT. Why would he want to dump salary or trade for a proven winner when he's got walking heart condition Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph who looks and runs like he eats a pygmy before every game?

There's only an outside chance of the Knicks not winning the NIT. Home court advantage all the way to the end. They just have to figure out how to shut down that pesky Drexel Dragon defense and quick-paced Marist offense. They're like UNLV in 1990.

96th best team in the land = Mission Accomplished. Hopefully, Isiah stays in and on New York forever like herpes.

The Constitutional Vol. "We Just Turned 1!!!"

Yes, we actually turned 1 yesterday. Who would have thought our attention spans would have lasted this long? We could not have actually lasted this long if you guys weren't reading us, so we want to take a little time out to say thanks to everyone that has helped make the Deuce what it is's the laundry list. Many thanks to Deadspin, With Leather, Sports by Brooks, Jimmy at SI, 100% Injury Rate, Awful Announcing, the entire gang at Epic Carnival (you guys are too many to list, but thanks all of you), Hogs Haven, Bullets Forever, the guys at Mr. Irrelevant, Dan Steinberg and the Sports Bog & Blog Show, Matt Mosley at Hashmarks, Cousins of Ron Mexico, Jarrett at Scott Van Pelt Style, Chris at the Hot Route, Don at With-Malice, the Ball Hype crew, Liston, Sarge, Larry Brown, Signal To Noise, Who Ate All The Pies, Rumors & Rants , Can't Stop the Bleeding, Football Roundtable, Busted Coverage, The 700 Level and all you regular readers out there and people that we missed, we're sorry, we'll get ya next time, if you commented more or emailed us we might remember ya more often...for now...Welcome to the Constitutional:
  • How much of the "genius" of Belichick is due to having Tom Brady? Randball

  • You can now order your Patriots 19-0 commemorative book! On 205th

  • Maxim is posting some "classic" Super Bowl moments on their website. Watch for the fun electric football peoples running about and snorting massive amounts of cocaine. Maxim Online

  • Eli has reconsidered his deal with the devil. Food Court Lunch

  • Even Bartolo Colon won't play for the ChiSox. Luol's Dong - Now with L33T Sp3@k!1!!1

  • I might be late on this but here's the always excellent Steroid Nation with a found story about HGH usage in the NFL. Steroid Nation

  • Michael Wilbon had a heart attack on Monday, apparently even he can suffer from the Madden Curse. Fan IQ Blog

  • I owned this card too...a flood of memories just hit me like a ton of bricks. They gave these out in PG County schools too Jamie, thanks for the memories. Mr. Irrelevant

  • Gilbert isn't dating Mya...but he is reading this blog. Scott Van Pelt Style

  • Oh, your son doesn't have cancer? Wow. That is low. The World of Issac

  • Dwayne Wade felt like he was a 16 year old virgin after snapping the 15 game losing streak (with audio). Sports by Brooks

  • Buy Kirk Herbstreet's House! Every Day Should Be Saturday

  • Handicapping Romo's next sexual conquest. Rumors & Rants

Monday, January 28, 2008

Are You Ready For Some Hookers?

Purple Jesus, please rip Hank Williams Jr.'s throat out Roadhouse/Rambo style so we'll never have to hear him do that song live. I'll take care of the recordings.

Hopefully Arizona's also ready for the clap because prostitutes from all over the country are about to descend on Arizona like locusts on African crops. Pimps and hoes are loading up the limos and speeding towards the Phoenix metro area as fast as they can load up the Cadillac Broughams.
The Phoenix area, which already is known among hookers as a lucrative stop in the winter because of the snowbirds, is expected to be irresistible to sex workers this year.

The Fiesta Bowl already brought thousands of football fans to the region at the beginning of January. And the Super Bowl was preceded by the Barrett Jackson car show and will be played on the final day of the FBR Open golf tournament, both major draws for wealthy, vacationing men.

"It's a big deal this year," said Tammy Marie Pagel, a 31-year-old local hooker who was recently jailed in Phoenix but was scheduled to be released the week before the Super Bowl.
It's Christmas in February. Screw April and fixing houses. It's about circuit girls building up an immunity to penicillin.

Phoenix police plan to be on the lookout for circuit girls, their pimps as well as their customers although they'll be more concerned with security issues. However they're still unclear as to what they'll do if they encounter Tara Reid, Paris Hilton, Lil' Kim or any number of video hoes. Prostitutes usually get between 15 to 180 days in Phoenix depending on the number of violations so it's probably best to err on the side of caution. At least "customers" can have time to get tested, stuck and/or quarantined.

Then again , the police should also be careful as pimps won't take too kindly to an interruption of they interstate commerces as protected under the commerces cause. If the police know what's good for them, they'll move and let the pimps pass before they have to be pullin' some pimp Hush Puppies out of their muthafuckin' ass. After all, it's principalities in there.

In Case You Have Any Faith Left In Humanity

Losing to Duke tonight or ... um yesterday was bad enough but this and this have convinced me that there's no hope and we're all going to implode on each other.

I knew Meet The Spartans would be number one but really, people? Are people really begging for the return of the New Kids on the Block? Maybe I could understand if we lived in Europe and embraced shit groups like Take That and the Spice Girls on the regular. Are there rumors of a Boyzone reunion? Don't tell Gary Glitter. He might get too excited and have another heart attack before realizing they're of age.

Rambo had it right. Nothing ever changes. Just ask Peter Angelos. I need Colonel Troutman to talk me down or a Murland win at Cameron on February 13. I gotta go talk to my purents.

** You might have noticed that I saw Rambo this past weekend. No time for a review because it's time for sleep. That's where I'm a Viking. Let's just say that if you see it, you'll overdose on what you expect. It was impossible to keep track of the decapitations and severed limbs. It's like trying to keep track of shots fired in The Killer. What do you learn? It's acceptable to blow up bad people and stuff for freedom. Fuck yeah. Make sure you do a thorough job otherwise you won't come to a resolution about the fate of your soul. The best way to do this is mow them down and take off as many body parts as possible.

Maybe the Karen people would have better luck if they changed their name to Helen or something Burmese. A little hiding out in the open if you will. Always gotta be thinking.

The unintentionally funny movie preview was solid. I won't give away the title of the movie as that's the best part but I haven't laughed at a preview like that since Blood and Chocolate.

What The Problem Is?

We were really hoping this story would take a UNC molester turn but alas, our hopes were for naught. It's just another simple case of football players being dumbasses.

Texas A&M football players Yemi Babalola and Brandon Joiner were each indicted on two counts of aggravated robbery. No buffets were harmed. Zing. Hey oh. They did tie up and rob a drug dealer. Joiner was also indicted for one felony count of manufacturing or delivering methamphetamine and two misdemeanor counts of possessing marijuana and hydrocodone.

You see what had happened was they just happened to be in the lab and wanted to make a citizen's arrest but then the police came in and that's where things got confused. Really there's nothing to see here.

Unlike A&M, the Fat Boys always ended with an uplifting moral or full stomach and all left satisfied ... until they all went solo or dead. Luckily for all of us, Men At Large filled the gap with ease. Pour out a little bacon vodka for these husky, defunct groups.

Boom Goes The Dynamite. No, Seriously.

In spite of the fact that MySpace and Facebook are part of a facist conspiracy to control the world that is only rivaled by Harpo Studios, they do have some use. I have a friend who is a prosecutor in Florida. Yes, interesting. Very interesting. He's actually used MySpace pages of gang members against them in court and won convictions thanks to them. Note to you aspiring gangbangers and Unabomber wannabes, don't write your plans or pose with your weapons on your pages. Advertising doesn't work for Bond villains and it certainly won't work for you.

Someone should have explained this to former Wake Forest RB Luke Caparelli before he decided to post his plans to blow up the Wake Forest campus on his Facebook page. He also claimed to have an Uzi "locked and loaded in his bag".

That same someone should probably tell Caparelli the "I wuz just playin'! LOL!" defense was probably not the move either. He acknowledged writing the posts but claimed he really wasn't going to do it. Claims of really meaning to blow up the outside world would probably fall on deaf ears as well.

As of post time, Caparelli has been dismissed from the team and charges could be pending. There's no word on any discipline from the school itself. I'm sure there are several people from Virginia Tech who would like to have a word with him in an alley.

Bron Bron Needs A Hug

Bear Down Chicago Bears

We brought you the first kick in the dick with the story of CCTV presenter Zhang Bin and his wife who blew up his spot on national tv. Well we have another early 2008 candidate for mother of all kicks to the dick.

Going through a child custody battle is tough enough especially when you're a public figure. It's a whole other thing when the mother of your child is a coke-addicted hooker and you're former Chicago Bear Richard Dent.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Funniest Beer Commercial Ever

Hands down, this commercial beats anything that you will see during the Super Bowl next Sunday. Enjoy the classic Adam Sandler and Chris Farley fake commercial for "Schmitts Gay"

DC Mayor Wants Redskins Back

Washington DC mayor Adrian Fenty wants the Washington Redskins to return to the nation's capital. Currently the Redskins play at the 11 year old Fed Ex Field, which is in Landover, Maryland. Former Redskins owner Jack Kent Cooke built the stadium with his own money on land given to him by Maryland officials. At the time, Washington DC did not want to give land to the Redskins to build their own stadium. Times have now changed.

Adrian Fenty said on Wednesday that he is going to present a proposal to Redskins owner Dan Snyder for a possible a 100,000-seat domed stadium that also could be used for Super Bowls and other major events. DC's Chief Financial Officer Natwar Gandhi has gotten involved and will do a financial analysis of the impact that building this stadium and the return of the Redskins to town will have on the city.

To this, I have two things to say 1) It better not cost the tax payers much if anything like the National's stadium and 2) THANK GOD! Going to FedEx Field is a miserable experience. There is no good way of getting there. If you drive, you're stuck in traffic, if you metro, you have to take it all the way out to Maryland, then choose to either walk a mile and a half or take a shuttlebus that may or may not leave you once the game is over, causing a crazed mad scramble to find your bus (an adventure unto itself) and get on it before it leaves you.

Once you're there, the stadium itself has as much character as an office building. There is nothing good to see when walking up to the stadium or when you are in your seat sitting down. If you're unfortunate enough to sit up in the "nose bleed" seats, you could actually get a nose bleed. You are eye level with helicopters that fly around the stadium and I have seen several cases of vertigo bring people down once getting up there.

I hate FedEx field and would love to see the Redskins back where they belong, in Washington DC. If these guys can figure out a way to do this that is beneficial to the city, its citizens and the Redskins organization (tall order I know) this might be one of the few bits of good news out of this team since the Dan took over.

From NBC 4

Just In Time For Wedding Season

Sports Garters! There is no way that these are officially licensed, but they are here and just in time for the spring wedding season. So now, for the ultimate theme wedding, your lovely bride can wear the team logo that you love near and dear to leg. Sexy ain't it?

They come in most NFL and NCAA team logos and colors, so if you're planning on getting married and are a couple that enjoys sports, uh, maybe think about it? Or not, really, you shouldn't, perhaps you should move on to another story.

From Unique Wedding Garters

Creepy Pedos Ruining Swim Meets

Three Newport Harbor, California boys were unknowingly photographed while at their water polo matches...and those photos have been posted all over the web on a bunch of different gay porn sites. The sites show several photos of non action shots of the boys in their speedo swimsuits, but no nude shots.
“The kids are being photographed for wearing normal water polo gear,” [coach Jason] Lynch said. “It’s not like they’re going out of their way to wear something racy. Water polo players wear Speedos.”

The sucky thing for the swimmers is that no one can do anything about it (note that pic isn't them, thats just for the ladies and gay men who read the site):

“Anybody can come to a public event and photograph it,” he said. “They’re public Web sites. They’re not making money off it.”

“It’s creepy,” [one of the players] said. “I guess there’s nothing you can do about it. I guess you should just keep your eye out to see if there’s a weird-looking guy or device taking your picture. If you see that, just report it.”

So yea, it is creepy, but how different is it than the people taking pictures of Allison Stokke? Is it just that much creepier because its a homosexual thing? Maybe because instead of their pictures being posted on a sports blog they are being posted on gay porn sites? I mean, either way its wrong and these high school students are being exploited for the sexual gratification of people who like to look at teenagers in skimpy athletic uniforms. Although that Allison Stokke is hot...wait, that is bad, I think, oh dear, time to go get another e-meter reading.

From Daily Pilot

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Amateur Hour's Almost Over

It's ok. We all make mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from our errors and grow as a result of them. It's not as bad as you think it is. Who remembers that Tom Brady used to mess with Tara Reid? As far as most are concerned, that's all Kyle Boller and that's pretty much what you would expect from him.

Tony Romo's about to blow the whistle on his relationship with Jessica Simpson. Ok Magazine reports that Romo's been trying to break up with Simpson because he's sick of her shit but like a snap and the Giants defense, it's a bit harder than expected.
On Jan. 17, Tony called Jessica at her L.A. home to try to break things off. "He said he thought it was better if they went back to being friends," a pal of the singer tells OK!. "'Just friends' is not in Jessica's vocabulary, and she is not a victim. She knows how bad this will look in the media."

But according to the pal, Jessica refused to give up, and so Tony invited her on what he thought would be the worst date of her life: a hunting trip! "It's Tony's way of punishing Jess," laughs her friend. "Jessica Simpson hunting — and without her entourage? Forget it!"

But according to an insider,"Tony has finally started to realize how high-maintenance Jessica is," says her friend. "We're talking diva status. She comes with an entourage, and that includes her dad, Joe Simpson. What's not to love?"

Too bad he didn't pull a Dick Cheney on the hunting trip. We're sure this has nothing to do with her effect on his play or the pure hatred of the fans.

Regardless, one can only hope that he's decided to step his game up and quit messing with chickenheads. Brady seamlessly stepped up his game to the professional level by pulling actresses and Victoria's Secret models while leaving the chickenhead hoes like Britney, Jessica and Tara to neophytes like Romo and Matt Leinart. You want to be big time, you gotta roll big time. You're the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. Leave Simpson for guys like Cleo Lemon or Philip Rivers. Rivers would probably be happier than a pig in shit to go to the preview of Blonde Ambition 3 at the corner Blockbuster.

Dan Marino Sells High Class Wine At Publix

Dan Marino is selling some "premium" chardonnay, merlot and cabernet sauvignon wines that are going for $13 at Publix, local wine shops and his Dan Marino's Fine Food & Spirits which has several locations in Florida. Its called Vintage 13, you see, Dan wore number 13, so that's why its called Vintage 13 and is sold for 13 bucks. That, my friends, is good marketing there.

This is only the start for Marino Estates' venture into wine however, later this year Marino plans to nationally distribute a line of reserve wines at a $25 price tag. Maybe then he can get that wine into other fine drugstores like CVS or Walgreens!

Marino of course isn't the first former quarterback to have his own wine label, Joe Montana has done it too, and we need to somehow procure a bottle of this wine so that we can sample it and give a review. Without having tasted a bottle, the Deuce will just assume that the wine will have a sort of nutty smugness, with hints of fruitiness and a bitter aftertaste from lingering around too long.

The good news is that for each bottle sold, $1.25 will go to the Dan Marino Foundation to help children with chronic disorders. I dunno what chronic disorders specifically, but if some kid has one, buying this wine will apparently go to help them. If anyone can get their hands on this and wants to send one our way, email us here at the Deuce. We like to get drunk.

Via Miami Herald

Rappers Makin' Movies About Sports

Oh dear, it seems that Fred Durst is going to be directing Ice Cube in a new, yet to be titled "inspirational" sports film about the first female quarterback in Pop Warner history, "who with her teammates draws support from her uncle (Ice Cube) and members of their Illinois town when the team plays in the Pop Warner Super Bowl." My dear God...what hell hath we wrought people?

As if any Ice Cube movie could be worse than any movie he's made since the original Friday, he's got the former king of all douchebags Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit directing him in this feature. This has the makings of being one of the worst sports movies of all time, and I'm not using hyperbole here, I really am saying this movie might just be the worst sports movie of all time.

We all know the film credits of Ice Cube lately (XXX State of the Union, Are We There Yet?, Are We Done Yet?, Torque to name a few) and Fred Durst's directing, well, lets just hope its better than his singing (oh yea he directed this video...Jebus save us):

What The Blood Clot?

Maybe we should be happy that the Japanese spend their time coming up with crap like this instead of trying to take over the Pacific Rim. Getting slapped in the balls or bitten by a komodo dragon has to be way better than a death march. Too soon?

US Sports Fans Want To Buy A Team

In an idea similar to the's successful effort to purchase a European football club, some guys here in the good ole US of A are trying to gather sports fans together to purchase a professional sports franchise of any type. Its called Project Franchise and it wants sports fans of all types to give $5 bucks for a share in a sports team yet to be purchased. They aren't trying to buy a MLB, NBA, NFL, or NHL team yet, we all know those cost hundreds of millions of dollars, but they are trying to buy into a minor league baseball or hockey team, NBDL franchise, or Arena League team.

With your 5 bucks, you get a vote in the running of a professional sports team ("team name, colors, coaches and lineups all the way down to condiments at the concession stand"), which is pretty much every fan's dream, right? Seems pretty cheap to me but also just a little bit dangerous if they aren't careful because the British version wanted a donation of 70 bucks for 1 share and each person could have just 1 share so that block voting did not occur. Lets hope this rule exists here.

Also, they'll have to get tens of thousands of donations to get enough to purchase a team. 50,000 people with 5 dollar donations means just $250,000 and I wouldn't think that'd be enough, but what do I know.

We'll see if these guys can figure out these kinks as it goes, but right now they just want people to sign up for their mailing list if they are interested in the idea or there is a facebook group you can sign up with.

Its an interesting idea and we encourage you to sign up and see what happens, I mean, the worst thing is you get your 5 bucks back and you don't own a team. Nothing wrong with that.

From Project Franchise

LT's Playoff Glory Captured In Action Figure

Yes, that's right, you too can own a piece of NFL playoff history, immortalized in plastic, with McFarlane Toys LaDanian Tomlinson "sittin on tha bench scowling cause I cant play" action figure! Look at the detail in that scowl, the slight pout in the lips, he just wants to get in the game so bad, but that knee just won't let him! Get yours today Chargers fans!

From Toys R Us via Kissing Suzy Kolber (saw they had this after we posted)

The Constitutional Vol. " "

Here's some news and posts to help you get you through your day and the scariest urinal on the face of the earth...Welcome to the Constitutional.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

OJ Mayo Just Ended His Collegiate Career

Apparently OJ Mayo might have violated NCAA policy by accepting "complimentary" tickets from Carmelo Anthony for Monday's Nuggets/Lakers game at the Staples Center. The LA Times reports that:
NCAA bylaw states that student-athletes may not receive "free or reduced-cost admission to professional athletics contests from professional sports organizations, unless such services also are available to the student body in general."
Whoops! OJ Mayo didn't do himself any good when asked for comment on his gratis $230 dollar seats,
Anthony made the offer of tickets at a party he hosted Sunday night, Mayo said.

"I was talking to him like, 'Man, you're out pretty late. You've got a game tomorrow against Kobe [Bryant],' " Mayo said. "He said, 'Nah it will be all right.' And then he asked, 'You want to come to the game?' And I was like, 'Sure.' "

Mayo said his seats for his first Lakers game were so good "I could talk to [television analyst] Reggie Miller and tease him about UCLA."

Well lets see, first Reggie Bush possibly could be ruining the football program's legacy after news he took improper benefits from prospective agents and now this happens to the USC basketball program, before they even get the chance to do anything of importance on the court.

Can USC keep its players from taking shit? How hard is it to tell these guys to "not take anything from anyone because you are being watched". I mean, its probably easy for some scrub on the offensive line or a 3rd string point guard to take something, but c'mon now, EVERYONE is watching OJ Mayo???

Granted, with all the hype that OJ Mayo has as a player his team is just 11-6 with a 2-3 conference record so far but at least he is averaging 19.7 points a game (with a team high 3.9 turnovers a game). So even with OJ performing as great as he can be, his teams stinks. Do they really need him messing up their tournament (NIT anyone?) & scholarship opportunities?

This season was just a way for him to jump to the pros without getting hurt anyway, so screw him. Kick his ass out and leave him to get drafted by the Timberwolves, that'l show his pampered ass somethin and maybe he'll start following the rules.

From LA Times

You Know How I Know The Patriots Are Gay?

I watched this video

The Constitutional Vol: "All The News Fit To Print"

Here's some news and posts to help you get you through your day...Welcome to the Constitutional.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Will Leitch's New Book Out Today

Will Leitch's new book God Save the Fan is out in stores TODAY and the Deuce encourages you to go out and buy the book. Either click at the bottom or just head to your local bookstore and find it. Will's done a lot for the Deuce while over at Deadspin so its only right that we return the favor and support him in this endeavor. Congrats Will, now the next big thing will be for all us bloggers to start writing actual literature. In most instances, that cannot be a good thing, in this instance however, it is good. Buy it, read it, love it.

Get the Book Here

It's All Hilal, Baby

Integrity is Job #1 at Manchester United. Throw enough money at them and they'll bring the whole team and lose if you want.

Man U took a shitload of money to travel to Saudi Arabia and play Al-Hilal in a testimonial match for Saudi international Sami al-Jaber. They ended up losing 3-2 in front of thousands of fans screaming like little girls. I only say like because women aren't allowed in the stadiums and it was reported that every Ronaldo touch "brought high-pitched screams from the Saudi supporters".

Oh that Roony is dreamy.

Either United got the payoff UNLV-style or there was no way Al-Hilal would be allowed to lose.

Referee Saad al-Kathery appeared determined to edge Al Hilal towards victory judging by his decision to award another penalty early in the second-half.

Nobody could understand the decision, least of the all the protesting Wayne Rooney, but Al Shalhob shot wide of goal to ensure that justice was done.

Well sometimes you gotta take one for the team like a prisoner of an Afghan warlord.

Since we did a shameless plug for a friend yesterday, we'll do it again and further damage our integrity. You know, speaking of halal, DC residents and visitors must try El Khartoum on the corner of Florida Ave. and 18th Street in Adams Morgan. I'm pretty sure your money won't be going towards more slaughter in Darfur. If it does, I've got massive amounts of tasty blood on my hands. Just don't tell Don Cheadle and George Clooney.

(In)Famous Bigots In Sport

Its the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day. A day where most Americans are not working like I was, otherwise this post would've been up on Monday. Nevertheless, since we at the Deuce love to do nothing but promote racial and social harmony, just like the good doctor King, and in light of the Kelly Tilghman scandal, lets take a look back at some of the sports worlds greatest bigoted members:

John Rocker

A man who if bigoted remarks were dollars, would be rich. In a Sports Illustrated interview Rocker went down the list. Lets start with Asians:
"Look! Look at this idiot! I guarantee you she's a Japanese woman." A beige Toyota is jerking from lane to lane. The woman at the wheel is white. "How bad are Asian women at driving?"

How about foreigners and homosexuals:

"Imagine having to take the [Number] 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you're [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing."

Don't forget about African Americans:

In passing, he calls an overweight black teammate "a fat monkey."

In a separate interview, he even said he has gone through more crap than Hank Aaron and Jackie Robinson:

"I've taken a lot of crap from a lot of people. Probably more than anybody in the history of this sport. I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of crap, but I guarantee it wasn't for six years. I just keep thinking: How much am I supposed to take?”

But...ya know, its all cool now, he's dating a black woman.

Bobby Fischer

The old crazy chess player who died last week was also an anti-Semitic man describing Jews as "thieving, lying bastards" and he also hated America, the country as a whole. He cemented that hatred after September 11th stating that the whole country should be blown up. Curiously enough, he was Jewish himself. No one said being a bigot didn't mean you weren't filled with self-hate.

George Preston Marshall

The former owner of the Washington Redskins (yes, he did name the team) is widely considered to be a great innovator in the NFL...and widely to be considered the sport's biggest racist. While the rest of the NFL began signing black players in 1946 and drafting black players in 1949, Marshall held out until 1962 before signing a black player to the Washington Redskins. He is quoted as saying "We'll start signing Negroes when the Harlem Globetrotters start signing whites."

As a matter of fact, the only reason Marshall signed a black player was because Interior Secretary Stewart Udall issued an ultimatum to GPM saying that unless he signed a black player to the team, the government would revoke the Redskins' 30-year lease on the year-old D.C. (RFK) Stadium. Fortunately for the Redskins, the first black player that suited up for them was the great Bobby, um, no harm no foul right? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Reggie White

The late great Reggie White, who on the football field was a terror, was even more frightening when he spoke. He has something fun to say about everyone!

"Homosexuality is a decision, it's not a race," White said. "People from all different ethnic backgrounds live in this lifestyle. But people from all different ethnic backgrounds also are liars and cheaters and malicious and back-stabbing."

White said he has thought about why God created different races. Each race has certain gifts, he said.

Blacks are gifted at worship and celebration, White said.

"If you go to a black church, you see people jumping up and down because they really get into it," he said.

Whites are good at organization, White said.

"You guys do a good job of building businesses and things of that nature, and you know how to tap into money," he said.

"Hispanics were gifted in family structure, and you can see a Hispanic person, and they can put 20, 30 people in one home."

The Japanese and other Asians are inventive, and "can turn a television into a watch," White said.

Indians are gifted in spirituality, he said.

"When you put all of that together, guess what it makes: It forms a complete image of God," White said. talking!!

Tim Hardaway

Not too long ago, Tim Hardaway told everyone what he felt about homosexuals. Quite plainly, he didn't like them at all. Really, you should just watch it all here

Its amazing how far he sticks his foot down his throat. I didn't think a foot could go that far.

Gary Sheffield

How great is that old Sheff picture by the way? Priceless. Anyway, in a GQ article in 2007, Sheffield said that the reason there were so many Latino players in the majors is because they are easier to control than African Americans. Specifically he said:

I called it years ago. What I called is that you’re going to see more black faces, but there ain’t no English going to be coming out. … [It’s about] being able to tell [Latin players] what to do — being able to control them,” he told the magazine.

“Where I’m from, you can’t control us. You might get a guy to do it that way for a while because he wants to benefit, but in the end, he is going to go back to being who he is. And that’s a person that you’re going to talk to with respect, you’re going to talk to like a man.

“These are the things my race demands. So, if you’re equally good as this Latin player, guess who’s going to get sent home? I know a lot of players that are home now can outplay a lot of these guys.”

This is quite the triple racist volley here because in making a racist remark he took down Latinos and Blacks with rash generalizations and he's actually calling the people who make roster decisions racist as well. Sheff is quite the complex (and racist) fellow.

Dusty Baker

In 2003 Dusty tried, in vain, to discuss biology and genetics with reporters and in doing so, set off a bit of firestorm in his comments:

"What I meant is that blacks and Latins take the heat better than most whites, and whites take the cold better than most blacks and Latins. That's it, pure and simple. Nothing deeper than that."
"It's easier for most Latin guys and it's easier for most minority people because most of us come from heat," Baker said. "You don't find too many brothers in New Hampshire and Maine and the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. ... We were brought over here for the heat, right? Isn't that history? Weren't we brought over because we could take the heat?"

One has to wonder if a white manager said something like this, would he still be a manager in professional baseball? Dr. King would be proud.

Marge Schott

The former owner of the Cincinnati Reds got into a boatload of trouble for referring to her players Eric Davis and Dave Parker as "million-dollar niggers" and maintaining an unwritten team policy of not hiring blacks. Schott was also rumored to have kept an old Nazi swastika armband at her home and was once overheard saying "sneaky goddamn Jews are all alike."

To make matters worse, when Schott was trying to clear the air she stated the "million dollar niggers" comment was made in jest, but then stated that she felt that Adolf Hitler was initially good for Germany and didn't understand how the epithet "Jap" could be offensive.

Topping it all off, before an owner's conference call, Schott was overheard saying "I would never hire another nigger. I'd rather have a trained monkey working for me than a nigger."

A few years later Schott once again made statements favorable towards Adolf Hitler, whom she believed "was good in the beginning, but went too far." Then, later that same month, Schott was quoted in Sports Illustrated as speaking in a "cartoonish Japanese accent" while describing her meeting with the prime minister of Japan. She also said that she didn't like Asian-American kids "outdoing our kids" in high school.

Like John Rocker, Schott is also out of baseball, they would've made a great radio show if she didn't die from complications from smoking.

Al Campanis

Al Campanis was the general manager for the LA Dodgers up until he made his infamous remarks about African Americans on Nightline in 1987. Campanis said that blacks "may not have some of the necessities to be, let's say, a field manager, or, perhaps, a general manager" when asked why there weren't any African American gm's in the league. He later in the interview said that blacks are often poor swimmers "because they don't have the buoyancy." Dunno how that relates to managerial abilities, but hey, no one said bigots have to make sense!

Fuzzy Zoeller

'Nuff said.

(Note, Jimmy The Greek wasn't included just because he was a broadcaster and we could do a whole different article on broadcaster's racism. Also, Bill Romanowski was not included because while he did spit in a black players face & beat in a black player's face, I think he was so doped up on the 'roids that he would have done that to a player of any color. Finally, Ty Cobb was not included because, in the 5 minutes of research I have done, its kind of in question whether or not he actually was a racist, a horrible man yes, but a racist, maybe not so much. Look it up. Surprised me too.)